#because they see it as spreading negativity like well ok then i guess you could consider me a virus bc i'm spreading that shit sooo much

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

i love how people get mad at you for not living in a comfortable little bubble like they do. like so what if i like complaining and talking about things i don't like. why does that make you uncomfortable? tell me :)

[gay4abby]

Hey, request for Jordan Li:

So, what if Jordan's ex liked them better in their male/female form, and they got insecure because of it. Now they're dating reader, and that insecurity rises. So, the reader assures them that they're perfect in both forms. Smut or fluff?

Thanks.

I Like You in More Ways Than One !!

warnings, insecurities, fluff. SMUT (first time tell me how it was OK? OK!) pairings, jordan li x reader. don’t think this was my best but i really hoped u enjoyed lol

Relationships are a tricky path to follow. You’ll always have a piece of the person that came once before and although there are some that tend to learn how to live with it, there are others who simply hold on to those in the most degrading way possible. Relationships are our puzzle pieces and for a piece to go missing, it’s hard finding the right one that will fit into that vacant spot once more.

Jordan’s ex left a huge dent in them after their relationship ended. It felt like a farce most of the time, but Jordan wasn’t the kind of person to see their partner for who they really are. When they’re in a relationship, a partnership, all they ever see is a rose coloured world. Where everything their significant other does cannot and will not be impacted in a negative way. It’s why Jordan found themselves in situationships more often than an actual relationship nowadays.

Opening their eyes to the wrongs of what their ex put them through was like whiplash. How could they have been so clueless to the way they were treated. Jordan hadn't taken into account just how others acted around their ex, too. So, it was a breath of fresh air when you arrived into their life. Jordan didn't really know what to do or how to react to certain things. With their ex, it seemed as though everything was a problem and Jordan had to walk on eggshells around her.

Whenever she caught them in their female form, the attraction, the yearning (if you can even call it that) dissipated. She didn’t love all parts of them, having shown it one night at a party that Jordan did not attend. It broke them for weeks knowing it was all just a facade for her. That it showed Jordan wasn’t good enough for to even keep a girlfriend. And yet here they were, hopelessly devoted to you, letting their heart feel again and love again and be enthralled in the warmth of intimacy.

But no matter how much Jordan felt for you, there was always a shred of doubt that had them second guessing themselves over and over again. What if you never liked them in their female form? What if you’re just being nice and sparing their feelings because you know how sensitive they get? What if all this is a practical joke and you’re just waiting on the day for them to fuck up so you can finally leave?

Jordan was so stuck in their head sometimes, it was kind of infuriating but this is something they hide so well.

You both were supposed to meet up for a lunch date after your noon classes, but Jordan was nowhere to be found and it started to make you worry. None of your phone calls were being answered, texts left on delivered. You were going around in a twist trying to find them. “Hey, have you guys seen Jordan?” The blonde was the first to look up at you, a big grin spreading across her lips. “____, hey! No I haven’t. Everything good?” Cate asked, hand on your arm as she squeezed it gently. Andre was beside her, the shake of his head telling you he hasn’t seen them either.

“We were supposed to meet up for lunch. I just…I don’t know, this doesn’t happen. Usually they’ll tell me if they’re running late.” The worry was slowly settling into your chest as you emitted a shaky breath. Cate sensed your discomfort immediately and drew herself closer to you. Her hands were comforting, but it didn’t do much to settle the overwhelming feeling. You tried to calm yourself, being outside was a good distraction with the many things around you. “Okay. Okay, hey listen. I’ll help you find them.”

You nodded as you turned around with her to begin your search of Jordan, leaving Andre behind. “Yeah! I’ll just be here, not like I want to search for them too.” His words went off to deaf ears, both you and Cate recalling where Jordan was before you were supposed to meet.

You were going around in a twist. Jordan wasn’t in their dorm room, not in the canteen, the commons or the gym. You tried their phone several times and no answer. Cate was beginning to see just how stressed this was all making you, opting to split up so you both can cover more ground to find Jordan. Please just, fucking be okay. You thought to yourself as you did a 360 on the middle of campus to see if you’ll spot them. It didn’t click to you until minutes later that Jordan was hiding and their hiding place was somewhere that wasn’t quite easy to find.

But the both of you frequented there a lot when you just wanted to be in each other’s presence without anyone else interfering. You began your long trek up the woods to the very secluded clearing of the mountains behind the school. It was like a quiet pocket on Earth that was surrounded by water and trees that stretched for miles high. It was the one place that Jordan had found in order to collect themselves after any event that triggers them.

Being out of breath was not an issue for you, knowing every step and where to avoid placing your feet as you finally made it to the clearing. Your wide eyes laid on the very person you were worried about for the past two hours, your heart sinking as you heard them sniff several times.

“Baby…”

“Fuck! You scared me! What the fuck, what are you doing here?” Jordan, in their female form, got up quickly, wiping away the tears that were sliding down their plumped and redden cheeks. You quickly rushed over placing your hands over them as she looked at you with sorrow eyes. “You didn’t meet up with me for our lunch date, I was going crazy out of my mind wondering wheee you were.”

Jordan’s eyes softened once more before a wave of tears spilled from their brown eyes once more; your heart cracked looking at them in despair. What happened to make her feel this way? And why couldn’t she feel like she could talk to you? You wrapped your arms around her in a tight, warm hug, allowing her body to shake vigorously as they let out a wailing sob. You didn’t know what was going on and when you find out you were surely going to make whoever made Jordan cry pay.

“What’s going on, huh? Why’d you hide from me? Please tell me, did I do something? I can’t stand seeing you like this.” Jordan moved out of your hug, wiping at the snot that formed on your sweater and her nose. She shook her head, grabbing on to your hands to lead you to the rock they were sitting on to have you sit next to them. “It’s not you, trust me it’s never you.” It was a whisper that you almost didn’t catch. Thank you supersonic hearing!

Jordan’s hands found a home on the nape of your neck, your hand immediately placed over hers. You scanned their face, “Talk to me, lovebug.”

“I…uh…I saw my ex this morning. On accident. It wasn’t intentional.” The worry in your chest was replaced with a sizzling anger that was sure to grow into full on rage, “What did she do?”

“No. No she didn’t do anything. I didn’t even let her see me. I just…it just triggered me and I didn’t know what to do so I came here.

“Our relationship wasn’t the best. And I got flashbacks to it and I felt like it was bleeding into ours, but I was making it up in my head.” Jordan paused, squeezing your neck gently before continuing, “I never told you that she preferred me as a guy when we dated. She knew of my ability, but she didn’t take it so kindly whenever I would switch.” She laughed softly to make light of the situation, as if it was something comical to joke about. The expression on your face immediately changed hers back.

“I always just felt like arm candy to her, but I was so in love her, baby I kinda let that all go.” You sat listening to her as she rambled about her ex. Nothing angered you more than when Jordan was made to feel insecure and though you preferred them to just be them when you both were together, it didn’t stop the inkling feeling Jordan had in the back of their mind that you were just being nice about it. “I thought that you probably felt the same way. I don’t know…I don’t know why I thought that.”

You leaned forward to kiss them slowly. Jordan hummed softly as your lips caressed theirs, their hand sliding to your side to pull you closer. It went on for about three minutes before you both pulled away for some air. “Jordy…I don’t want you ever to feel that way with me. I don’t care at all, I care about you. You as in Jordan. The person who would always make sure they have an extra sweater in their gym bag for me. The one who knows my latte order like the back of their hand. The one who doesn’t care when I whine and complain constantly when I’m on my period and have taken over your entire room to self medicate,” you both giggled as you finished your sentence.

It was true, though. You didn’t care at all which form Jordan took as long as they were happy. Comfortable. “Your ex will begin to cough in six days and we can celebrate her death after that. But for now, I just want you to know that I love you. Jordan Li, the love of my life. Property Brothers fanatic. Comic book extraordinaire,” your hands made a home on their warm cheeks, thumb caressing the soft skin as you stared deep into their eyes. “I don’t want anyone else but you. Nobody but you.”

Jordan’s heart beat rapidly in their chest, leaning forward again to plant a steamy kiss on your lips. Nothing made them more sure about your relationship than this moment and all Jordan wanted to do was ravish you alive. “I love you.”

“I love you, so so much.” Your words were breathy, eyes immediately shutting as you laid them back against the rock to climb up over them. The kiss was deepening as you couldn’t help, but smirk a little as you planted your leg between their legs; Jordan lazily humping your thigh. Your hands were suddenly everywhere until you remembered Cate, “Oh my god! Wait! Before we continue I have to tell Cate I found you!”

You scrambled to get up only for Jordan to snatch your phone out of your hand and toss it into the unsettling lake before you. “Jordan!”

“I’ll get you a new one. I need you now.” That shut you right up as you both resumed kissing, this time with Jordan on top. You slid your hands underneath their sweater, moaning as you felt their breasts spill into your hands. Squeezing them brought out the nastiest moan to ever escape Jordan which you even more aroused than you were before. The lips smacking together made the noise echo through the open area, your leg finding its place back in between her legs.

They grind against your thigh, legs squeezing together to create more friction. You tweaked her nipples causing her to push her chest out more and her hand finding its place on the strands of your hair, tugging lightly. You whined softly, your left hand abandoning her soft mound to travel achingly slow towards the place she needed you most. Along with your thigh, your hand added more pressure to her clit, hips stuttering slowly. “Fuck, fuck please touch me. I want your fingers inside me,” she moaned against your lips.

You happily obliged, flipping her over to have her on her back. The rock wasn’t the most comfortable place to be doing this, but you both had major experience going at it on the same rock so they were used to the prickling along their back. Said the “pain’s tolerable knowing I’ll cum because of you.” You held it over their heads for a month. You brought your fingers to their lips, “Suck,” and Jordan being the good girl she is took both fingers into her mouth, wetting it as much as she can with her saliva.

“That’s a good girl,” she could’ve came right then and there if it wasn’t for the sudden intrusion of your fingers in her hole. Her back lifted into an arch, a loud moan echoing through the woods. Your fingers worked expertly as you lifted her sweater to wrap you warm lips around her nipple. Jordan’s moan sounded wet and strained, hands on your shoulders immediately squeezing them with her all might. You felt her squeezing the hell out of your fingers, dripping on to your palms, swirling your tongue around the now perky, hardened nipple.

Pumping your fingers in and out of her while circling your thumb on her clit was driving her mad. She has started panting, short breaths as her legs squeezed around your hand once more. “Come on, you can do it for me, baby. Just let go.” That one little command had her spilling all over your hand, humping your hand as you continued to pump your fingers in and out of her as she came. You rode out her orgasm long enough for her to begin pulling your hand out of her pants to get some reprieve.

“Hm, fuck,” Jordan breathed out. You lifted your wet fingers to your mouth to lick off her juices from them. You moaned, sliding your tongue between them to get every last bit that hung off of them. She watched you with cloudy eyes and a gapped mouth and swore she couldn’t fall for you more than she did in that moment. “Don’t ever think I don’t want you, you hear me?”

“Yes. Yes. Fuck yes, I’ll never think that again.”

“That’s my girl.”

[starsinkpop]

what do you think if theres blogs that are not only deeply obsessing with finding out ateez members exact fs but they also discussing their potential body parts. I tried telling them how weird and gross it was of them but they tell me I was taking it too far. what the fuck? am sorry but this kpop tarot thing is what is taking ppls obsession with idols fs too far. its bordering on creepy rn and its not just one blog theres like several of them that mainly focus on idols fs.

some blogs be claiming they dont dig too much but then they still think it ok to even discuss idols sexuality or some other aspect of their personal life.

i’m not really on that side of tumblr or social media so i can’t really say much about it. i have clear boundaries. im fine with certain readings about ateez’s fs but i wouldn’t do more readings than i have online right now. we already know more than enough. i keep getting a crazy amount of asks in my inbox of people trying to fit especially san’s fs aspects. i’m deleting all of them because none of those people reading my stuff and also myself will be their fs. some people really need to touch some grass. when i see certain physical traits in a reading i point them out, however i focus on personality only. what’s bothering me is how almost everyone on here in my inbox assumes that the members are straight. making their fs a girl at all times. we don’t know their sexuality and it’s quite frankly none of our business. we don’t know if their straight or part of the lgbtq+ community. this is why i keep my readings gender neutral because we don’t know shit.

now in general i don’t want to spread any negativity because life itself is already a big struggle for most of us. i want my blog to be a place where people could just entertain themselves for a bit and. so i won’t say anything about other readers because i honestly just can’t. like i said, im not on that side of tumblr. i get your point but you have to remember you’re telling me this, im a kpop (well just ateez) tarot reader myself and i’ve done reading about their fs too so 🤷‍♀️🤣 like i said, i have my boundaries with readings, won’t do any sexual readings and i don’t focus on looks. being someone who was crazily sexualized since being a child, i really hate this side of any fandom. there’s too many obsessions going on. you wanna know what happened when i saw the most recent pool pics of the members, especially san and woo? as a gym girly i was like “woah i really need to know their routine so i can shape my body like theirs” i can just admire them. viewers here are a little too delulu and have a hard time sticking to reality and form an own opinion it feels like. and I’m sure some readers feed into that. it’s giving you a ton of likes and if that’s their main purpose for posting i guess i get it. that doesn’t mean i’m okay with that but i know many people need validation like that. whenever there’s people coming up and officially date like twice’s jihyo for example i always feel really warm around my heart. gives me the feeling they can still have a bit of a normal life.

i don’t really have anything else to say and only repeat myself. i don’t know if i’m the right person to talk to about that, i do readings and did fs readings like what you just complaint about, but i have boundaries and know what’s reality. none of us will be with any of them, ever and viewers should stop honestly believing “omg XYs fs is like this and that, i’m just like that it has to be me they have to do more detailed readings so i can make it fit for myself”.

on another note, and this is in no means anything bad or hate whatsoever, i love getting asks from you but those long asks are sometimes a bit much because im not your diary, love 🤣 no hate. but it just felt like a rant and i do really like rants but my inbox is maybe not the best place for that because i don’t want to spam any of my followers page with that you know?

edit: you can still send me longer asks, but please try fitting the stuff you want to say into one ask and not three or more 💖

[necroromantics]

Hello there. I am very sorry for coming into your inbox all of a sudden, but I feel this is very important.

Very recently, one of the Blessed Be The Wicked’s has come out to talk about what happened and clarify somethings. Anton never meant he wanted the whole Creepypasta fandom to die out, but for the toxic people in the fandom to die out. EX those who will defend Off*****man and those who genuinely are a danger to minors. But because of a mistake that was caught, all of this had blown over.

You can read the offical statement on offical-Locke-writing’s blog or see it on my creepypasta blog @killerlittlerejects the harrsement is getting out of hand, so if you could please share this it would be great

Hey sorry to hear yall are getting harassed for someones post. Even though I don't agree with a lot of things (or I guess how they were worded) that Anton posted, I believe entirely in everyones right to voice their opinions, and personally I dont believe that someones beliefs should punish the art they create. And while pushback against opinions we disagree with is how we open room for necessary discussions and growth, it is completely not ok for anyone to harass anyone or spread hatred and it sucks to see that people who disagree with Antons posts went too far with their pushback. We should all spread positivity and respect for each others right to their opinions, creative liberties, and right to do what makes them happy

On the otherhand, while I do understand that the post was worded badly because of how heated OP was writing it, shit happens, OP has a long history of making very negative and hateful posts that put down a lot of other creators in the fandom and then hides behind calling everyone pedos. Making OCs has nothing to do with sexualizing children. Making fanon content has nothing to do with sexualizing children.

But I completely agree with the fandoms gross inability to handle sensitive topics correctly. Recently I came across a dub/noncon NSFW post that wasn't tagged at all and it was just disappointing to see. Also as someone who has experienced firsthand ableism from the fandom as well, I understand wholeheartedly the anger that comes with seeing how the fandom handles mental illness, drug addiction, SA, etc.

At the end of the day, I don't personally believe Antons posts came from a place of genuine concern, or at least they definitely werent worded that way. But I also don't think yall should be "cancelled" or harassed or anything. I feel like people like to jump on bandwagons and not take the time to see past their own beliefs to try and understand others sides, which leads to a lot of harassment and negativity, even when they have good intentions.

It's important that we do keep talking about the things Anton was attempting to talk about. It's important that we keep a conversation going about the expectations we have for each other, and helping each other as creators handle sensitive topics correctly, and also encourage them to grow and create art of any kind

Just continue to grow and be kind, especially when its easier to be mean.

[dre6ming]

Still got scars on my back from your knife.

“I stayed there” series-part V

Masterlist

〘Part I 〙〘Part II 〙〘Part III〙〘Part IV 〙〘 Part VI 〙

To be added to the tag list click here

Pairing: Austin Butler x fem reader

Warnings: anxiety, crying, consumption of medication, cursing, loss of parent, fluff, angst… hope it’s all

Plot: Austin has never really been good at waiting and is surprised to find out that (Y/n) herself has changed so they make a promise to try

Word count: 4250

Disclaimer: ok so little spoiler I decided to make the reader bisexual, so be kind to that, everyone deserves love. If you’re not comfortable with it you can just avoid those parts. :)) trust me it’s easier to look away than it is to spread negativity - love you <3

As I walk through the supermarket, in my quest to buy eggs and some other grocery I might find I need, my mind keeps slipping back to him. It's hard to push him away, to forget him. I know he must be waiting for me to text him, but in all 10 days that past since he came over, I couldn't find the right words to say. I keep looking back to who he used to be. He used to be so loving and considerate and I guess the other night I saw some of that, but I don't know if it was enough to make me let him back in my heart. Since the break up, I built a thick, tall wall around my heart, a wall that has his name written all over. I was an introvert before I met him. And him getting me to open up, just so he could them throw it in my face? Well it's safe to say it scared me away from ever connecting with someone like that.

I tried, I really did, but I couldn't. At one point there was one girl who scratched the surface of my walls, but she couldn't break it. Betty and I tried to make it work, she was sweet and patient, but there's only so much patience someone can have when the want to love all of you and all you give them is a piece. We broke up after 2 months, she was the first girl I've ever dated, I didn't even know I liked girls that way until we got drunk one night studying and I confessed to her I might have I crush. I was the one to end things this time, because I could see she wanted more and I wasn't ready to give it, at the time I didn't think I would ever be ready to love again. Me and Betty still talk, but for the past few months she's been away in Switzerland on a experience exchange. Which good thing I remembered that, she's supposed to be back from Switzerland and in LA, where she also got matched for her residency at a different Hospital. Looking at the date on my phone, my eyes widen, she's supposed to be back tomorrow. How could I let that slip? Oh I know, Austin.

When my thoughts drift back to him, I sigh defeated. Hopefully me and Betty can talk it over a glass of wine so I can make some order in my brain. Scratch that, it might be a bottle or two of wine that we need to talk all this over. Making my way to the liquor aisle I go ahead and put in the cart 3 bottles of Chardonnay and one of Merlot, 4 bottles just to be sure, you know? I finish the rest of my shopping, pay for everything and start walking home. Today is a good day in LA, not to warm, it's clear that autumn is nearing, which means so is my 26th birthday. I hate birthdays, dread them. Ugh hopefully everyone forgets this year, but I doubt I could get that lucky.

Home, everything I quiet so I occupy myself with little things to do around the place. Evening finds me curled up with Boots, reading, music softly playing in the back and hot cocoa in my hand. The ring of my phone forces me to put down the book and see who it is. I answer the FaceTime call from Betty, a smile spreading on my face as soon as I see a mess of red hair on the screen.

"Show me! Show me! Come on!" I giggle and point the camera to Boots sleeping on my lap. "Oh my god, that's the cutest thing I've ever seen. Hi there kitty!" She says waving at Boots like the cat would actually wave back. When I move the camera to my face she pouts disappointed. "Really? I thought we were friends!" I say placing a dramatic hand over my heart faking pain. She laughs at my dramatics "We are, but you are not cuter than that kitty, sorry girl." I throw my head back laughing.

"So are you're picking me up tomorrow right?" She asks and I nod, putting some hair behind my ear. "Yes. Oh and I asked around the apartment complex and the apartment right above will be out for sale in a week. Good price as well, you can stay with me till then." Betty smiles as she lets out an excited scream. "Ahh this is great, I can't wait to see you, I have to go now, I plan to sleep a few more hours until I have to clear the dorm and leave for the airport, love ya'!" I blow her a kiss and end the call. I'm so happy to be spending time with her again.

The next day I wake up with a horrible headache so i decide the best thing to do is sleep in and lay in my bed. Unfortunately I can't even sleep, the pictures behind my closed lids keep waking me up and the exhaustion of my body makes me fall back asleep, so it's a vicious circle of being in and out of consciousness. Eventually I have to get up to go pick Betty up from the airport. The city is kind to me and instead of being it's usual overcrowded self, it's half empty. That's good cause I get anxious driving, especially on crowded roads.

The airport, on the other hand, is an entirely different thing. It's full of people going in all directions. I look at my phone and see that by now the flight should have landed. I decide to call Betty. "Hi, I was just about to call you, I'm waiting for my bags, are you here?" I smile at her babbling. "Yes, I'm waiting outside, by the Starbucks." I hear some commotion in the background and the she speaks again. "Ok, be there in a minute" I end the call and look around, I live watching people, wondering what might be happening in their lives. Are they in a crisis just like me? Are the anxious about a new job? Like me? Are there any other people like me?

"(Y/n)" at the sound of my name I turn around seeing Betty running towards me, dragging behind two huge bags. I can't stop the laugh that escapes me. "Betty!" Her body collides with mine, almost causing us to fall. "I missed you!" She says with her face buried in my hair. "I missed you to." I grab one of her bags and we move to the car. The drive back is a lot more interesting than coming here by myself m. We catch up on everything that's been happening in our lives. "I swear to you, that Swiss guy almost made me want to try and have sex with a man, he was too sweet and way too hot for his own good." I shake my head. "Until I see him with my own eyes, I can't say if it would've been worth it." She pouts and crosses her arms in front of her chest. "Fine, than tell me more about your man, if you won't believe mine was so good." I roll my eyes at her snarky comment. "I'll tell you after wine, lots of it." She nods and for the rest of the ride we sing along to her playlist.

When I park in front of apartment complex, I have to vigorously rub my eyes to make sure the headache I had earlier didn't leave any side effects, like hallucinations. I say this since, leaning against his black car is none other than Austin. Fuck him and his good looks. "My god is that?" Betty says. I turn to her and when she sees my scared face, the wheels start turn in her head, trying to come up with a plan. "Do you want to make him, angry? Serve him some of his own medicine?" I swallow and nod, I'd do anything to give him a crumb of what I got. "Ok, we are going to get out of this car, you wave to him, and we fake being a couple, he waved those girls all over socials, now you get to wave me off." My cheeks heat up at the idea. "Ok, but will Emma be ok with it?" Tying her red hair up she waves me off. "She knows it's not like that with us anymore, plus I'll show you the ring I got for her, I'll ask her to marry me, next month when she come. Come on now, I'll tell you all about it later." She pushes me out of the car and I make efforts to look composed as I wave to Austin. Despite all my trying the smile that creeps on my face when he waves back, can not be stoped. Fucker.

Betty comes around, getting her bags out of the trunk. I go to grab one of the bags, but before I can, she hugs me and kisses me. It's strange and awkward and I know it feels the same for her, but she like to torture men, so she does it well. When we break the kiss, we take the bags and begin walking. "Hi!" Austin says, smiling whilst his eye throw daggers at Betty. "I'll wait for you upstairs, babe!" I give her the keys and struggle not to laugh at Austin's face.

"Babe?" He asks when he's sure Betty's far enough so she can't hear us. I nod my head, hoping he won't see through my lie. "Since when? And a girl? I thought?" I feel rage take over me, of course he thought I was waiting on him all this time, so that I am now his to take. "What did you think? Hm, Austin? That I was free for you to take? What did you think I would never have a relationship again?" He licks his lips nervously. "You said I was your first and only boyfriend!" My laugh comes out bitter. "Betty is a girl, so I didn't lie." He nods brushing his hair back, with his hand. "So you kissed me, I thought that meant you were, single"

I close my eyes. Fuck him and his brain, he's not stupid, but it hurts me that he's right. "Why are you here Austin, I thought you were waiting on me, for when I was ready." He blushes looking away from me. "I came to come see if you wanted to go on a hike, I found this trail, it's very nice, lots of trees, since you like the shade."

"That doesn't sound like you waiting for me Austin." He lets out a breath taking a step closer to me. His arms come to hug me, but don't, he keeps them in air, not touching me. Like a cage. "I am, I was, but I'm going crazy here, I keep staring at that goddamn phone, waiting for you to text me." I take a step back, and walk past him. "(Y/n), wait, I'm sorry"

I turn around to look at him, I hate that he looks like he means everything he says. But I don't hate that the blonde boy standing before me looks like the one I fell for so many summers ago. "I can't just give everything to you, Austin, I'll call when I'm ready, don't push me. My Austin wouldn't push me." He swallows, blinking back the tears that gloss his eyes. Those beautiful blue eye. "I don't know that there is any of 'your Austin' left in me and if there is I'm afraid you might have to get to know me as I am now, it's not fair that you hold it over my head that I've changed." I breathe trying to calm down, he's right. I'm being mean and immature, but it's hard, to look at the person you loved and barely recognize them. "I'm sorry, it's just that- maybe I should-" I struggle to find the right words, but he's patient. "I should try then, I'll call you tomorrow, today my friend is back from being away for long, I want to be with her." He nods and smiles a bit, but it's a shy smile. "Ok, ok, have fun!" Austin gives me a thumbs up and climbs into his car. Before driving away he smiles at me and I smile back.

Upstairs I find Betty snuggling on the couch with Boots. "Look! Look! She loves me already!" She squeals, making me laugh. "Yeah I can see that." I go over to the fridge and get out all of the ingredients for extra cheesy mack and cheese, our comfort food. Holding Boots in her arms, Betty joins me in the kitchen. "So what did lover boy want?" I shake my head, begging to grate the cheese. "Just that he wants to talk."

"Hm and will you talk to him?" She asks. I don't know why she's asking, she knows I will, I'm stubborn, but when it comes to him, I'm jello. "Well he has a point, he's been living with this character for years now, it's normal that he changed. I think I should try and see if I like who he is now, there's no point in holding hope that he'll be back to who he was." She seems too really filter through her mind what I just said. I put the water on the stove and keep grating the cheese. "Ok, what about his 21 year old model girlfriend." I sigh, I know he said it didn't mean anything, that he didn't love her, but still, it's bugs me. It also bugs me that it dawned on me that if we kept our relationship secret for longer then a year, he might've done the same with several other girls, the 3 official ones being outed by mistake.

"He said they broke up... he also said that he loves me" I whisper the last part so she doesn't hear or so I think. "What was that?" I turn around to put the pasta in the boiling water adding salt and setting the timer for 7 minutes. "Nothing.." she puts Boots down, coming around the counter to look me in the eyes. "Uh uh girly, talk, what did he say?"

"Didn't you say something about proposing to Emma? What was-" I try to change the subject, but she doesn't let, she cuts me short. "We're talking about you now!" She points a finger in my direction, like a mom arguing with her child. "He said he loved me, ok? You happy?" She gasps taking a few steps back. "Aw, my love, come here." We hug tightly and before I know it I'm crying again. "I don't know what to do!" I say trying to control my breathing. Betty moves a soothing hand up and down my back as I shake in her arms. "It's ok, go sit down, I'll finish the pasta, we open the wine, talk, eat, drink." I wipe my face with my hands and nod. "We get drunk!" She says and I laugh.

We end up spending the whole night doing exactly what we said we would. She shows me the beautiful ring she got for her girlfriend Emma and she tells me about her proposal, at a small dinner, just the two of them and then a trip to Bahli. It's 3 am when we finally get to sleep, so the next morning we sleep in, until 12 pm. We have a light brunch and she goes out to run some errands.

Getting over my pride and fear, I pick up the phone to call Austin. After a minute I hear his voice on the other end. "Hello?" I have to breathe to try and calm my already racing heart. "I want to meet up and talk." I hear some ruffling and him breathing. "Ok, yeah, when?"

"Now? Are you free?" I ask, making an effort to keep my voice steady. "Yeah, meet me on the beach, our place in ...... let's say in an hour?" I nod, but then I realize he can't see me. "Sure, I'll see you!" He chuckles saying goodbye and then the line goes silent. I get up from the couch, running to my closet to find something to wear. It takes me thirty minutes to finally decide on a denim romper with a white tee underneath. I take my keys and leave for the beach, I already know I'm late, so I try to move fast, but without putting myself in danger.

When I get to the beach, as soon as I get close to the meeting place I see a makeshift tent made out of bed sheets. I can't help the tears that start running down my face. Austin comes out of the tent to grab something and then he spots me. When he does his face grows concern. "What happened? Did I? I-"

"It's perfect!" I cut him off before he digs a hole for himself. "But you're crying?" He's now more confused than concerned. "Happy tears, Aus, happy tears!" I say and pat his arm. He nods and blinks a few times, like trying to wake up. "Shall we?" He motions to the tent and I follow him inside. "Oh wow" inside he's laid out about 20 different pillows and a couple of blankets. In a cooler he brought sparkling water, wine and Coca-Cola. He's also thought about food, 2 trays with appetizers and a mixture of fruits. "Too much?" He asks trying to hide the insecurity in his voice with a chuckle. "No" I look at him and see that he's watching me closely. I blush and look to the ground. "I thought that later on as it gets dark we could watch a movie, I brought a small projector". I smile, he's really thought of everything. "Sure."

"Um, yeah, let's sit." I sit down and he opens the wine bottle, than faking a very formal server he asks. "Wine madmoizelle?" I giggle and bring my glass forward so he can pour me some. "So I guess we should start with talking? Getting to know each other again?" I say, trying to hide how nervous I really am. "How do we start?" Good question mister Butler, I'll give you that, only I won't say it out loud. "Um why don't you ask me something, that's how we started in the first place." I suggest.

He licks his lips and seems to really be thinking what he wants to ask first. "Ok, give me quick recap of the past three years?" Ok bold as always. As I sip my wine and eat some of the appetizers. I tell him about my time at college, the first time I went to a party and had a miserable night taking care of all my drunk friends. We laugh at that. I also tell him about the time I had to take sleeping pills for my finals week cause I couldn't shut my brain off to rest. He says it makes sense to be hard to unwind when you carry around so much knowledge. I argue that it's no big deal and he makes a point of me being a potential lifesaver very soon. "So what happened to (BFF/n)?"

"Oh she moved out of the dorm a few weeks after we broke up, she went to live with her boyfriend at the time, who is now her husband. She got matched in NY for her residency and we text sometimes, but she's got another life there. Josh, you remember him," he nods "yeah well he's been working in New York for a year now and she moved with him, so when school was over she already had a new life there" I shrug, I miss my best friend, but we grew apart, I guess Betty has the title of the best friend now. "And the girl? From earlier?" I laugh I knew this is where he wanted to get.

"Betty moved in, after (bff/n) left. We've been friends since, best friends." He analyzes the words in his head, but I don't think he can make much sense of them. "So friends?" I laugh half way through drinking wine and it goes shooting out of my nose. He hands me tissue, biting his lips to hold in his laughter. "Yeah, now, but we did date, for a few months." I pop some grapes in my mouth and wait for the next question. "So you like girls?" I nod. "Yeah, I think I always liked them, I just never acted on it. But then Betty happened" I smile remembering how awkward I used to be around her with my small crush.

"But you like men as well?" He adds. "Yeah, so you still got a chance, sir" I say giggling when he sighs relieved. "Now your turn, recap of the past three years" he clears his through and after a small pause he starts to tell me. Austin begins with the nightmare about his mom and the same thing that happened to her happening to me. We both cry at that, I've never met his mother personally, but the pictures and Austin's stories always made me feel like I did. He then tells me about meeting Tom Hanks and working in Australia. He also tells me about his bad habit of serial dating after we broke up. Turns out I was right, he dated more than three girls, but he thankfully spears me the details. He then tells me about the premiere of "Elvis" at Canes, he cried during the whole screening and at the and he looked around almost leaning in to hug his mom. He tells me about the preparation for the movie, how method he went, that eventually at the end of filming he was hospitalized with a perforated ulcer from stress and poor lifestyle. I bite my tongue at this, stopping from saying 'I told you so'. He ends the recap by telling me a bit of his future plans, he's in LA for a little over a month and then off to Budapest for 7 weeks to film 'Dune 2', beyond that he doesn't have much planned, but he's sure that won't stay for long like this.

When he's done we've been talking for hours and it's now dark. "So what movie are we watching?" I ask snuggling into myself, I guess late august nights get a bit chilly. He notices and puts one of the blankets around my shoulders. "Well I thought you'd pick." Austin says setting up the small projector. "Um can you show me 'Elvis', I haven't seen it." He hesitates for a second but then he nods. "Sure, yeah!" He opens up his laptop and starts the movie.

As the intro of the song 'suspicious minds' opens up the movie, he sits next to me, leaving a few inches between us.

After two and a half hours as the credits roll, we're snuggled against each other, my head on his chest as I quietly cry. I can't hide my sobbing for long, when he attempts to get up to turn off the projector. "Hey, what's wrong. Was it that bad?" He tries to crack a joke. Austin holds my face in his hands, wiping my tears with his thumbs, but I cry more than he can handle. I laugh a bit, but it breaks into a sob. "No, no, Aus, it-" I have to stop to take a big breath. "You were amazing, Austin, I'm proud of you."

His eyes fill with tears, he tries to blink them away, but he can't. He hugs me to his chest and we cry together again, but it's not like the last time, this time we are happier. "It's still wasn't worth losing you!" He says after a while. "Well you've found me." He lets go of me so I can pull back a bit and look him in the eyes. "But you still feel so far away..." he whispers, his face getting closer to mine. I can now feel his breath fan on my face. He takes a hold of my chin with one hand as I take he's other hand in between mine and start drawing circles on his skin. "Because we've both changed, but I'm ready to meet you again Austin, you were right, it was hypocritical of me to hold you changing against you."

He chuckles. "I want to meet myself again, baby and I want to meet you again as well." He says licking his lips, he's fucking sexy lip licking. I shiver a bit, but it's not the cold. I close my eyes and lean forward to kiss him. Our lips touch and it's electric, butterflies fill my stomach and I feel light headed. Though the last one might be the wine, the rest is still very real and nostalgic. It's comfortable.

When we pull away we take a moment to look at each other, really look. Physically not much has changed, but mentally there are new layers to discover. "Together!" He says and I nod. "Together!" I agree

[marmixedwithabitofintellect]

The Story of You

Well here it is! The very much awaited Part 5! This chapter gives us an insight on what happened between H and Y/N...

Come talk to me about the story! Let me know also if you have any ideas you would want me to incorporate or to be added to the tag list!

Disclaimer: In no way do I wish to spread hate or negative opinions about any of the characters here depicted, this is just fiction and with the purpose of entertaining you guys

Click on the visuals to enhance your reading experience! Also, flashbacks are in itallic!

Part 5: Changes

June 17, 2021: Week Fifteen

New York City, New York. 12:00 Pm

I had just walked out from my appointment, Betty said everything was going well and I got to hear little one’s heartbeat which was a wonder on its own. I was hungry so I made my way to the nearest café.

As I was waiting in line to order I decided to text Harry and let him know how everything went, after sending the text I was looking at the menu when I heard someone call my name, I turned around and saw that Jason, Olivia’s ex was standing behind me.

“Hi, how are you?”, “Jason hi! I’m well, how about you?”, we hugged each other and moved along with the line “I am good, how about you?”, “Everything is going well, by the way, Season 2? True masterpiece”, he laughed.

We arrived at the cashier and even before I could order he asked me “Hey, how about we order and stay to eat? My treat”, “Uhm how about if we order and I invite you home?”, he nodded and gave me a look, he understood where we both are.

After about 15 minutes we got home and we sat on the table to eat, “So, I saw your picture… I guess congratulations are in order?”, I smiled a little “Thank you, I am so excited, still feels so surreal tho”, “I know the feeling, didn’t feel real when we had Otis and Daisy until I saw the bump and I met them”

“I am hoping to have a bump soon, I just look bloated every time”, “When you least expect it, believe me”, we finished eating and we moved to the couch with some coffee, “So, how have you been?”, “It’s been hard, I am not going to lie, but I am trying to focus on the kids and that they are ok”.

I reached out and squeezed his arm, it was my way of saying I understood what he felt. I still remember the day I met Jason, I had been visiting Harry on set and he was there too with both kids, we bonded over the best bagel spots on New York and how we could have some double dates to try them. Well, joke’s on us because there are dates, just not how we expected.

“I talked to her, the other day”, “You know you didn’t have to, right?”, “I know, but she deserved it, because although I am glad it happened, I know it shouldn’t have”, “And that’s why everyone always says that you have the purest soul”.

We talked for about an hour, he decided to leave, “Hey, before I leave, I wanted to ask you something”, “Sure, shoot away”, “I wanted to know if it is okay with you if I tell Olivia that we met? I really don’t want any misunderstanding”, “Oh, uhm, yes, sure”, he gave me another hug and he left.

June 19, 2021: Week Fifteen

Harry. London, England. 9:00 Pm

I closed the door and sighed. It was a long day of filming and the only thought in my head was getting in the shower and eating some takeout. As I was unpacking my bag for the day, I heard my phone ring with a new text.

From Olivia Wilde (9:17 PM): Hi, are you free? Missed you today, how about a dinner/lunch date?

To Olivia Wilde (9:20 PM): Hey, yeah, it’s okay, give me twenty.

After a quick shower and unpacking the food I ordered, I set my laptop on the living room and called her. After a few rings she answered, she was sitting in her room, she had a salad from my favorite place back in Los Angeles.

“Hey, you, I’ve missed you, long day? Thank you for the flowers”, she was smiling, “Hey love, how are you? It was a long day, excited to wrap filming before moving it to Italy, I am glad you liked them”, “Oh how lovely, I miss Italy”, we talked a little about everything, but I could see there was something bothering her.

“Hey, are you ok?”, “Y/N and I spoke the other day, I was surprised she reached out”, “Oh, really? I didn’t know”, “Have you spoken to her lately?”, “Just through text, had an appointment and said everything was fine, why?”, “Well, Jason met her the other day, they had lunch together”

I don’t know why but it made me feel jealous, “Huh, did anything interesting happen?”, “He said they talked about the baby and the kids, but nothing else”, “Good to know”, “Why are you being weird about it?”, “I’m not, why would you say that”, “Harry, look at your body language, they had lunch, nothing else”, “Well that’s fine by me”, “Is it?”

“It is, they became friends during filming, they met and had lunch, so what is there to not be fine?”, “The fact that you look like they announced their relationship and that he will be the baby daddy Harry”, “That’s not true and you know it”

“Do I? Harry, they had lunch and that’s it, you seem so jealous”, “I am not, why would you say that?”, “Because that it what I am seeing Harry!” we both sighed, “Listen, I am sorry if I made it seem that way, but I swear everything is fine”

“And yet I feel like you’re lying to me Harry”, just before I could talk, she hung up, I shut my laptop and pulled a hand down my face. She was right I was jealous, and I didn’t know why. I picked up everything and decided to head to bed. I laid in bed, but sleep wasn’t coming.

I was turning on my bed and when I looked at the clock and saw it was already 15 past 2, I went and made myself a tea and returned to bed. I missed Olivia and I missed Y/N and I hated feeling like this. After finishing my tea.

Harry. Los Angeles, California. 11:45 Pm

November 27, 2020.

I closed the door and dropped my keys on the dish by the door. After I removed my jacket and boots, I realized that the house was too quiet for my liking. I entered the kitchen I grabbed a glass of water and I noticed that the island had some bags of snacks there, I frowned.

I then realized that there was an herbal and savory smell in the air, and I followed it to the oven, where I found nothing but when I opened the fridge and saw a Tupperware with lasagna and a bottle of white wine.

As I was walking down the hall to the stairs something caught my eye in the living room. There was a table set with candles and two plates, along with some fairy lights which were now turned off, I didn’t understand anything, and I frowned.

I was walking up the stairs and I could hear her sweet voice behind the close door, but there was something off of it. “Honey, please don’t cry”, “I won’t, I promise, I’m just a little bit sad Dee”, “You should tell him, it’s the third time this has happened in the last month”, third time? What was Dee talking about?

“Dee he’s been busy, they’re filming the scenes they had to stop due to the Covid case”, “So? He isn’t filming all day, is he?”, “I know Dee, I know”, I could hear her voice and sniffles, as I was about to go in, I heard Dee speak again.

“Honey, just please, talk to him and let him know how you feel okay? Your feelings are valid”, “I know, I love you, talk to you soon”, I heard the FaceTime call drop and her laptop close, I gave it a few seconds before I opened the door.

“Hi sweetheart, how are you, my love?”, she was cleaning her under eyes, and she gave me a big smile, it made my heart feel small, “Hi babylove, I’ve missed you, how was your day?”, “It was okay, long but very productive”, “I am glad, have you eaten? I could make you a sandwich?”

I could hear her voice coming into the bathroom where I was changing and doing my facial routine, “Thank you lovie, we got some dinner after we finished recording”, “Oh, that’s nice”, “Lovie? Are you okay?”, “Yeah, I’m okay, I’ll meet you in bed”

We played a movie and I drifted to sleep, I opened my eyes when I heard her sniffles, the clock said it was a quarter past 1, “Lovie, what’s wrong?”, “Sorry I woke you, I’m okay, go back to sleep”, I felt her kiss my head and hug my back. We slowly drifted to sleep.

I woke up sweating and with my heart racing, I still remember that night, and until this day I feel guilty that I didn’t address the situation.

June 21, 2021: Week Fifteen

New York City, New York. 12:40 Pm

I had just finished preparing my lunch when my phone rang, I grabbed it and saw it was Sarah, “Hey momma, how are you?”, “Hi lovely! We are okay, how about you? How is the belly?”, “Still missing, but we hope it will make its appearance soon, speaking of, I wanna see the bubby”, Sarah laughed before telling me we should switch to FaceTime.

I answered and as Sarah appeared on the screen, I could see she was sitting on her hammock, “Oh Sarah you’re glowing!”, “You are the sweetest, I know I look like a zombie”, “Man if this is looking ‘like a zombie’, I don’t wanna know what the worst is”, we laughed and started to catch up.

After a few minutes Mitch appeared on the screen holding the baby, “Miss Y/L/N what a joy to see you”, “Mister Papa Rowland the pleasure is all mine”, “I just wanted to say hello and had to drop a little someone who’s due to a feed”, “I am happy to see you, take care Mitch”

Sarah stood up a little and set baby boy to feed, and then sat down, “Y/N, is everything okay?”, I could feel my eyes water, “My parents have decided that they can’t deal with my pregnancy and to never contact them again”, everything went quiet for a few moments, the only thing that could be heard was baby boy’s sounds while he ate.

“Oh honey, I don’t know what to say”, “It’s okay, I mean the situation is not okay, but I will be”, “You know that we love you right? And we will always be your family”, “I know, but it still hurts, and it just adds to the anxiety I already have”, “You know I will always listen right? Talk to me”

“How do you know you’re making all the right choices? I have been researching and reading everything and I feel so overwhelmed, I am shit scared of making the wrong choice, and the whole Harry situation is killing me”

“Oh honey, I felt and still feel the same way as you describe, it means you care, and let me tell you something: you will never have all the answers, and when you feel like you have the answer you will most likely need to look for a new one, but that is normal”

“As for Harry, you two need to sit down and talk, you still have time but if it is giving you su much anxiety you should talk soon, because your peace of mind is the most important thing here”, baby boy had finished eating and Sarah turned to burp him.

“Oh hi baby boy, you are growing up too fast”, “Say hi auntie Y/N, we can`t wait to see you and my cousin”, we talked for a while and then we said goodbye before hanging the phone.

June 26, 2021: Week Sixteen

New York City, New York. 7:00 Am

I’m hot. Sweating like a pig and wanting to cry hot. Damn hormones, damn me deciding to live in New York, damn you Harry Styles for getting me pregnant during the summer months. I tried to roll around and find a cold spot on my bed but couldn’t find one, so I decided to get out of bed.

I changed myself and just as I was leaving the bathroom, I notice something on my peripheral vision, my belly had popped! Today I actually looked pregnant and not like I had eaten a very big meal, I placed my hands on my belly and the tears started falling (darn hormones).

I went into my room to get my polaroid camera and took a photo of the belly, after it developed, I wrote down June 26, 2021: the day my belly popped. I took two pictures with my phone and decided to text one to Harry.

After that, I decided to go shopping for some baby stuff, it started to feel real and I was more motivated than ever to get some things, and maybe some frozen lemonade, to make sure that this heat did not kill me.

June 26, 2021: Week Sixteen

Harry. Cheshire, England. 7:00 Pm

I had been thinking of a way to better up my relationship with Olivia, and I came up with a grand idea, so here I am waiting for her to answer my call. When she did, she didn’t look as happy as I thought she would to see me.

“Hey love, how are you?”, “Hi Harry, I am doing well, how’s your mom and sister?”, “They are well, we are enjoying these few days before I leave”, “That’s good, how long will you be there?”, “Well, it will be like three weeks filming and I was thinking, you could maybe come for a few weeks?”

Her eyes lit up and she smiled, “Oh H I would love that! But are you sure? What about Y/N?”, “What about her?”, “I mean, I suppose you would want to be near her and the baby?”, she was right, I wanted to be near her but I know that Olivia and I needed this, “Everything will be okay, we are always in contact, but Liv, you and I deserve this and our relationship is also important to me and you know it”

“Okay H let’s do this, I will get things with the kids ready with Jason”, “I’ll send you the details honey, I love you, we’ll talk tomorrow”, “I love you too, can’t wait to see you”, we hung up and I saw that I had a text message from Y/N, it had a picture attached.

From Y/N <3 (18:45 PM): Someone decided to say hello…

I felt my heart start beating faster, I couldn’t believe it, there it was, the proof that I was about to become a father. Mitch was right, this is so surreal.

To Y/N <3 (20:45 PM): Oh my God, hello baby; this feels so surreal I can’t believe it. I can’t wait to meet him or her.

From Y/N <3 (20:50 PM): They cannot wait either Harry.

To Y/N <3 (21:00 PM): I’ll be back next week for the appointments, will have to do a little bit of quarantine and I’ll test before I see you.

From Y/N <3 (20:50 PM): Thank you, Harry, we’ll see you next week.

Tag list @tinydestinybear @harry-is-my-sunflower @onlyamylee @adorejaell @dirtytissuebox @msolbesg

[aelingalathyniusrailme]

Hi there! I am one of the probably few people who is a fan of both gwynriel and elriel so I’m in both tags most days looking at all the fun content. I wanted to point out something I’ve noticed and get your opinion on it.

In the gwynriel tag I see gorgeous artwork, fun theories and general discussions but like 60-70% of what I see are posts attacking elriels saying how “dumb” they all are and how they’re so “rude” and so on. In the elriel tag, I see fan art and theories as well and a lot less posts outright attacking gwynriels albeit there are a good amount of posts where that they will give their opinions on popular gwynriel theories (much like gwynriels do to elriel theories).

I guess my point is that although I’m leaning more on the gwynriel side of things, I do notice that a lot of our posts have more of the “fuck elriels they’re so stupid” vibe than the “gwyn and az are so cute and would be great together” vibe. I just hate to see the constant negativity and I understand we all need to vent sometimes when the other side gets us angry but that’s just all it seems to be lately. Am I the only one that thinks this or am I crazy? Like I’ve seen that elriels and gwynriels alike can be nasty to each other on multiple platforms but just going through our tags I do see such a huge disparity. The elriel tag, in all honesty, is a lot less hostile in general and I think we gwynriels are good people and our tag doesn’t fully reflect that. We are not hostile and callous people. I just wish we could cool it on all of the “elriels are all f*cking stupid” posts and keep going with all of the productive fun posts, ya know?

hello anon,

I would just like to say it warms my heart that you want my opinion. I mean i’m not exactly sure why considering a good portion of my content probably contributes to the fuck elriel stuff ur seeing. I, personally, would call it debunking the wack shit they say but depending on which side of the fandom you come from it can be interpreted different ways.

I would not know what’s going on in the elriel tag because I’ve got them blocked and pretty much block everyone who puts pro elriel related content in the gwynriel tag. so i’ll have to take ur word on that. but I do see a lot of posts by gwynriels that bring up questionable shit elriels have done.

now why I think that it’s possible more people in the gwynriel tag are ig hating on elriel, is because the gwynriel fandom pretty much is made up of people who didn’t like elriel, eluciens and people who were elriels.

I haven’t been apart of the fandom for that long. I only joined after acosf because I wanted a place to talk about everything, but there is a post by @bookofmirth that shares the experiences of eluciens how they were harassed and bullied by elriels for years. how artists and writers stopped creating elucien content because they were being sent death threats for liking a different ship. and the elucien fandom did not have the numbers to defend themselves against elriels. but then after acosf gwynriel was introduced and to a lot of eluciens, it felt like their ship had a chance again.

so now the elriels who were saying and doing awful things suddenly had people who were willing to call them out. I suppose you could say that the influx of anti elriel content could be described as bottled up resentment and retribution for the way people were treated for a long time.

so while I agree it may seem that the gwynriel tag has a lot more anti content in it and that in a perfect world everyone would just mind their own business, I am also probably biased. I think a lot of it is justified and when I say that I don’t mean the people who go to elriel content creators and bully them but the people who call out elriels for their crap. It will never be ok to harass or insult others for not sharing your opinion.

i’m not exactly sure as to what you’d classify as fuck elriel content because most of the anti stuff I see is them being rightfully called out or talking about theories. like I usually don’t see people saying that elain and azriel are shit and if you like them you suck, but more defending gwynriel against stans. but then again I have never been a neutral kind of person and am very opinionated so it doesn’t bother me. in addition I don’t think that gwynriels sharing their opinions on elriel theories is a bad thing, sure the tone of the post can be negative but isn’t that what tumblrs for? to spread your ideas.

I mean if I was more mature I would likely agree that the gwynriel fandom should probably focus less on elriels, but i personally like people defending our ship passionately. so I guess if it bothers you, you could try filtering the tags.

hope that helps. 💜

[ruby3818]

I have something I really need to get off my chest that I’ve put off for years now but can’t ignore anymore. Under a read more so you can skip it and tagged #negative so you can block it. Maybe this might clear some things up or at least get my side of the story out there. Please read this before making any decision about me from what you’ve heard from someone else.

I am aware that Cap, who I used to be friends with but had to leave the friendship because of their controllive obsession with me is still saying lies about how I “abandoned them” in public forums. Even going as far as to ask my franticshipping mutuals to block me (how she knows who my mutuals are is anyone's guess since I’ve had her blocked for over three years now??). If you see her do this please stop enabling them!! Over the years people have made her feel ok to get aggressive about my very existence and tell her that they are “valid” for feeling jealousy. All it does is reassure her that it is ok to behave like that and not be held accountable for their actions. Cap does not need validation, she needs help.

I have begged her multiple times over the past few years to leave me alone and stop saying stuff about me on public forums but every time she promises to stop I hear from someone else that they're still doing it. Things like; making up stuff that I apparently said in a dream treated as fact, telling my mutuals to block me, saying that I’ve apparently replaced her, telling everyone that I abandoned her, etc.

Because of her I not only lost them as a friend but every single other friend I had because they either believe the lies or they're scared of upsetting Cap who flies into a rage at the very mention of me.

I really tried to help her and then when the jealousy, gas lighting, violent mood swings and controlling behavior got too much for me and everyone else who tried to help I had to do what was best for both of us and leave the friendship.

I've tried for three years now to be the better person and not talk about what should be our personal problems but it's just blown up in my face with no one believing me or wanting to get involved and everyone enabling them (which is triggering to irl experiences but that's another story).

And I do understand that maybe a lot of this frustration I feel is because of the pattern of people abusing me and then everyone around me forcing me to forgive them and be around them for the sake of their feelings leading to the same damn cycle of me being helpless and feeling like a burden for not putting up with it.. It just sucks that even online I have to deal with it when this should be a safe place away from all that. But I also know what emotional abuse looks like due to irl experiences and I know that this is not acceptable behavior. This is abuse. And the only way to stop an abuser is to get their behavior out in the open and have other people know what they’ve been doing.

It also really sucks that the whole reason I couldn’t stand being friends with her was because I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone else and if I did they would blow into a rage and yet 3 whole years later I still am not allowed to talk to anyone otherwise I’m “replacing them” leading her to tell any potential new friends to block me (Somehow she is finding out who my new mutuals are on Tumblr, Twitter and Discord and dm’ing them to block me which is what some of these mutuals have come forward to tell me). She still has that control over me and I’m sick of it. I just want to move on.

I hate having to tip toe around the fandom not knowing what they’ve said about me to mutuals. I just want to be able to talk to people and have them know the full story and not some fabricated story of abandonment or random crap I apparently said in a dream of theirs.

As for what they did in the past, here’s my side of the story and why I had to leave the friendship;

They would always get jealous when I talked to other people and threaten to kill them self because "I'm just going to replace them". It became such a constant thing that I couldn’t even talk at all in a public server without there being a big drama about it. They even ended up being banned from Specord for their constant harassment of me.

Whenever I would bring this up and ask her (or beg) to not get upset and let me talk to people they would act like they had no idea what I was talking about and say that my depression is making me think crazy things. Even though other people saw it and I also had screenshots I still believed them because (being mentally ill) I really can't trust myself. I've been gas-lighted by people in my family my whole life so this was too triggering to handle on a daily basis so I needed out of the friendship.

She constantly suicide-baited me into taking her back and then made every conversation we had about suicide and self harm. Whenever she felt bad about something I said to her in a dream or if I talked to someone else she would tell me happily how she cut herself “for me” because it was supposed to show me that she loved me and that she somehow deserved it. The constant talk of suicide became too triggering to my own mental health and struggle with suicidal thought that I had to get out of the relationship.

For so long they would make up lies about how I abandoned them leading me to receive death threats from strangers telling me to kill myself, people blocking me and all my friends no longer talking to me so it doesn't upset them. So in the end they still had that control over me.

They even told me in our last conversation (over two years ago) that they were right for overreacting over me talking to anyone else besides them because I "shouldn't be talking to other people anyway". They even went as far to tell me that they hated how I was "popular" and basically wanted to be like me whilst also destroying me.

I know that I could of been a better friend but with my c-ptsd and her own mental health problems it just became a toxic mix. The very mention of my name or seeing my posts or comments at all just sends her into violent mood-swings. I couldn’t handle being emotionally abused on a daily basis and I needed out of the relationship. And I get that they still have friends that care about them, that’s good! They’re going to need the support if they’re ever going to improve as a person and move on from this.

So what is the point of this post? Well mostly just to get this pent up helplessness out into the open so maybe someone might understand. The other reason is that I am sick to death of having to be known as the bad guy just because I tried to do what I thought was the right thing by walking away. I want to be able to makes friends and not have to worry about Cap finding out and sabotaging it for me. I want the hate asks to stop. I want people who I thought were my friends to stop blocking me because of something they heard.

This is a selfish request but I also want people to stand up to her for once and stop her from spreading lies about me in public and feeding her delusions. I want her to know that she can’t bully, manipulate and emotionally abuse people in to a friendship and that she doesn’t get to decide who I can interact with. But mostly I hope that by getting this out in the open maybe this might finally come to an end and we can both move on.

Naturally she’s gone and deleted all of her dm’s with me but I do still have some screen shots that might help people understand. I won’t include any dm’s with other users but my DM’s are open if you need more clarification.

First off her finally agreeing to tell the truth (which she never ended up doing evidentely)

She always worshiped me as someone I wasn’t and thought that she had to be like me to be a successful person but it ended up blowing up into a full blown obsession around being me.

She always said she acknowledged that how she treated me was wrong but she still kept doing it like she couldn’t control herself... I kept thinking that maybe her therapy would help her and we could go back to how it was before but she just kept getting worse with her obsession.

This was the other Cap.. the one that wouldn’t acknowledge what she was doing at all and would tell me I was making it up out of paranoia

These are some screenshots that were sent to me of some of the stuff she was saying about me on other servers?? She would always treat the stuff that I did in her dreams as stuff I actually said but, idk how to control what I say in her dreams?? I would never in my life say this kind of stuff about anyone??

Due to the pic limit I will include other screenshots in a reblog.

If you need any more clarification or just want to talk don’t be afraid to ask. Hopefully this can be cleared up finally and I can be free from her control. She needs to be held accountable for her actions and she needs to move on for the sake of her own mental health as well as for mine.

[oddlyhale]

As much as I begin to see the horrors of RWBY fndm and how crazed BB fans can be, there'll probably be no comparison to the psychotics I had to deal with in the HH fndm.

While I can totally find myself being tolerant with all RWBY ships, there's something territorial when it comes to HH ships. It's a different beast on its own, especially with the popular artists that can and will control their fanbase.

Boy do I have a tale of 2020 that had me deal with the mental gymnastics these wild shippers put me through. The sheer hypocrisy, the fear fans had of standing up to them, the collective harassment.

In a synopsis, before we start:

Hi, my name is Hale.

Alfa and Alex are probably the most psychotic people I’ve ever met when it comes to my online daily life. I used to think my ex-friends were the bane of my existence, but Alfa and Alex started making me think just how angelic my exes were in comparison.

So let’s begin.

When I first met the Double AAs, it was Alex first (awhile back in late-June 2020 during Vaggie Week) but it was indirect. I was on my Instagram when I was tagged by a random user in something Alex had drawn. This was when I first saw the kill art of Vaggie. I was so upset that I had yelled at this random user for tagging me, as well as showing it via screencap on my twitter, as a warning to never do this to me to my followers. Keep in mind, I had censored Alex’s name from the screencap, not the random user.

However, Alex saw this somehow and became hysterical, thinking I was targeting him for what he drew. This caused an uproar of his fans to come attack me, and it did cause me to become scared and get away from my account. Alfa decided to insert herself into the mix, but I didn’t care enough for her to say anything. It was mostly Alex and how much he was “scared” and cried about the “fandom being so hateful and scary.” He went private for a while I believe, but Alfa was still going hard at me and sending more of her fans to come harass me.

If Alex ever says he is a strong and brave man, don’t believe him. He fears the HH fandom.

Anyhow, after Alfa’s fans had done their best to gaslight me, I didn’t give in. In fact, I made amends with the random user that tagged me. Somehow they assumed I would like the art of Vaggie being killed, which was childish to even believe in. Nonetheless, I forgave them, and we moved on from there.

But even when we both resolved this together, Alfa and Alex decided that it would be fun to make this “kill Vaggie art” a meme, or trend. With their huge followings combined, they were able to get their artist fans to join in and start creating so much hate art of Vaggie. Many of them drew her head being cut off, mutilated, raped and cheated on.

Alfa and Alex adore gaslighting the hell out of people. While they draw such hideous things, they will go ahead and say, “but it’s just fiction, it’s not real,” and call you psychotic for even caring so much about their bad behaviour. I can only imagine what Alfa’s husband goes through everyday since Alfa loves to make people second-guess themselves often.

Keep in mind, Alfa and Alex are the same people who will cry and shake when their fictional ship is invalidated and written out. They often wish nothing good for Viv and her team that are providing these ungrateful children with the show and content they so badly want. It shows you just how privileged they had grown up as children, doesn’t it?

This wasn’t fun, it was horrible. I didn’t realize just how many toxic people existed in the HH fandom until this “trend” began to spread.

But the funny thing that I'll never forget is how apeshit Alfa went when I had the audacity to draw Alastor plus sized. She accused me of being a pedophile, supporting MAPs. Even though she leans towards being pro-ship (likes incest, OK with lolicon, will condone drawing necophilia.) But me? Having the sheer audacity of drawing Alastor fat? It burned her so bad.

As well, this was being pushed on the VAs during a small livestream. The chat wouldn’t stop asking, “what do you think of the Vaggie kill art going around?” Of course the VAs ignored these questions, but it was really rude to even ask these things. Especially when Vaggie’s VA was in the same livestream.

But then this trend was proven to be a lie, by Alex’s own words. He dropped the ball in a one-off conversation with an anti that “he only created this to get back at the Chaggie shippers.” So retroactively, this trend was worthless.

What also began to start becoming obvious was that Alfa was too afraid to do anything on her own, and thus, she will recruit some darlings to defend her. Alfa seems to have more defenders than she has any confidence to defend herself, and when she has no choice but to stand up for herself, she will buckle and hide. She is weak, is what I had learnt.

I decided to just ignore Alex and Alfa as much as I could. With a friend though, I was given updates of what was happening on the Double AAs’ side in the meantime, and it’s amazing to see just how vile they can be with their own fans and haters. Especially with their new puppy named Salty. (I think that’s their name, another weak ass bitch.)

As months went by, the major event that stirred from the AA camp was when they were harassing Pastel Sky. This would be where the big reveal of just how horrible the AAs and their friends truly are, when they have nobody to harass except for kids. HH has a wide audience of children involved in this fandom, hence why many other artists keep saying we should try to be good examples for them, and keep them safe. But not for the AAs.

Pastel was ruthlessly attacked by them and it was all unwarranted. What they were angry about was that Pastel had the nerve to have negative opinions when it came to AAs, and they broke their own rule of “don’t like then block.” Even Galactic Potatoes (Spuds) would go out of their way, again, to gaslight Pastel into believing that what attacks she received on Twitter was allowed, because Pastel was asking for it. Spuds is well-known to gaslight, a thing they had learnt from the AAs quite often.

Pastel was a minor at the time, and it really doesn’t matter if Pastel was just 17. I don’t care if Pastel was only 17 and that “well she’s almost 18,” because regardless of age, harassment is not the answer. Follow by that, fighting with minors is actually fucking stupid and braindead. Spuds tried very hard to justify why attacks were OK, and that Pastel “should learn” how to grow up. I then learnt that Spuds went into hiding afterwards.

That was until the Double AAs’ discord chats were exposed, showing that they were practically mouth-watering at Pastel’s pain, romanticizing her apparent abuse and trying to convince each other how her punishment on Twitter was correct. Even one (I believe was Jay because he loves me and wants me back) wished that I would die. This would be the third time he asked me to die indirectly, which justifies my points on how toxic and abusive they are.

This entire event seemed to have unraveled a new wave of truths, and it’s sad to know it had to take a literal minor to have their masks fall off.

In 2021, Alex was exposed to be a thief. Stealing commission money for “stress pills.” If Alex is on a path of drug addiction, I hope it’s not the case. That’s a terrible place to be, and hopefully he’ll be clean and grow up for once. I still don’t care enough about Alfa, after now knowing all she is, is just a dramatic housewife with nothing better to do in her life. Perhaps if they just got jobs instead of stealing money from fans, they’d be leading well-productive lives.

From what I understand, many of the toxic fans of the Double AAs have either dropped HH fandom, or have deleted their accounts. Good, I hope they stay gone. The fandom deserves better, not trash.

Needless to say, the best advice I can give to those in the HH fandom that come facing the Double AAs is to not be afraid of them.

Over time, once you get used to their behaviour, you come to realize that this is their default. They’re not likable, they’re not nice, and they aren’t appreciative of one singular thing you do for them (hence Alex stealing from his own fans.)

It’s their M.O., they are just that cruel. So don’t fear them, but challenge their behaviour. Don’t stoop to their level of wanting to draw hateful art, though, that will fuel them. Talking down to them like their idiots always works like a charm.

Anyways, thanks for reading.

If anybody from the Double AAs’ camp ever finds this and reads it, I just wanna say that you are doing a great job, sweety. Thanks for proving me right by the new year. I appreciate the honesty for once. It only took you a year, just think of what other things you’ll do in the next year.

[songofsaraneth]

Ok now that I have time/space to breathe again, I wanted to do a writeup on the unusual reaction I had to the second Covid vaccine dose. I debated posting this, because I don't want to go against the "I was vaccinated and it's fine!" encouragement train. And I 1000% encourage EVERYONE to get vaccinated if possible. But I have not seen much documentation of the averse symptom I got, except in some case studies I specifically looked up so details below. Big TMI/gross warning however. 

Mostly I'm posting this because I had to do SO much self-advocating/arguing with the Dr at my urgent care clinic, and if you're not as read up on weird medical issues as I am, you might not be comfortable doing that. But IANAD, just describing my experience and what I read, which ended up being very long because it was awful and I have a lot to complain about I guess, sorry.

Basically: for me the vaccine triggered an inflammation response, which in itself is normal. The usual muscle aches/joint pain/slight fever. It also triggered an outbreak of ulcers in my soft tissues. Basically, a bunch of canker sores in my mouth/throat. I am already prone to getting these when I get sick or stressed out, so no biggie, annoying and painful but I could handle them. Canker sores are distinct from cold sores in that they form inside the mouth as crater spots, usually around the size of a pencil eraser (though can be bigger or smaller), and will develop a white film across the crater as they develop and start to heal.

An unfortunate fact I have learned: the mouth is not the only exposed “soft tissue” of the body. this group also includes genitals.

So 2 days after the vaccine I noticed a "burning sensation"/rawness downstairs, which turned into a sharp pain, especially when going to the bathroom. I obviously knew this was abnormal and because of what was happening in my mouth, had a pretty firm idea of what was happening, but was ready to brace myself through the healing process. However by day 5 I had 8 red, crater-like sores on the tissue of my vulva. Essentially they are open wounds, and urine is an acid, so you can imagine the hell that using the bathroom had become. Even just sitting hurt.

As someone healthcare-averse, even I knew this was untenable, and went to Urgent Care for the first time in my adult life. I told the NP what was going on, how they matched the canker sores (NOT cold sores) in my mouth in onset/form--and she immediately, without even looking, diagnosed me with herpes.

Lots of people have herpes or other STIs, and that's fine. I know I do not have any, and wanted to pursue treatment for what I was sure they were--Non-sexually acquired genital ulceration (NSGU). I had even found three case studies of COVID patients who had developed them. I had spent several harrowing hours on google images making sure that the sores I had did not match any STI I may have magically acquired during a year of social distancing. I even brought up multiple case studies, including a woman who had them as a Covid reaction in a neighboring state. Didn’t matter. She looked at them and went “Yikes! Herpes!” and prescribed me: 

1) an antiviral, which I said I did not think would do anything because the trigger for this was a vaccine not an illness. She said it was probably a herpes flare up already in my system. I reiterated that I have had similar sores in my mouth since childhood and that all my past doctors and dentists agreed it was not viral but something related to an immune response. She said the antivirals should clear them up in a few days.

2) a topical 5% lidocaine ointment, aka an oral grade numbing gel, which was essentially what I was after anyway.

I would have preferred a steroid course to the antiviral, but agreed to start taking them until she got the results of the bloodwork I needed to come in the next day for. I asked how many days after taking them I would expect to see a difference/if she would reevaluate treatment if they didn’t have an effect in a certain amount of time, and she said if they hadn’t cleared up by Monday then she’d look into other causes (spoiler, they did nothing in that 4 day span). to her credit, when she saw me pick up my bike helmet (because my car had been at the mechanic for a month by then), she was properly horrified that i was having to bike everywhere with this situation and printed off some coupons/called all the prescriptions into the grocery store pharmacy next door instead of the CVS my insurance likes a mile away.

So eventually I got home and took my pill & went to put on the ointment so I could use the bathroom for the first time in 8 hours. I’ll spare you the details but suffice to say I had an extremely, overwhelmingly painful 10 minutes of application. Like absolutely awful burning feeling. However once that faded, I was indeed actually numb, and so I figured it was worth it. Got my bloodwork done on Friday (biking there & home again). On Saturday, I thought that you know, maybe a prescription anesthetic shouldn’t be doing that or at least have some sort of warning? And read the details on the jar.

Good things about lidocaine: it is a powerful numbing agent and lasts pretty well for an hour or two.

Bad things about lidocaine: you cannot get oral grade lidocaine without added mint flavoring.

I happen to be EXTREMELY sensitive to mint. Like I still can’t handle breath mints or mouthwash, and used bubblegum flavored toothpaste until I was 14 and found a brand with half as much mint flavoring as is typical. Even if you’re not, mint has no business being anywhere near genital tissue. Even on an average person that could cause awful burning. to make a long saga shorter I had a very frustrating back-and-forth with urgent care involving many rerouted phone trees, visit in person, unhelpful receptionists, and attempts to find over-the-counter alternatives. All were fruitless so I just  suffered all weekend until the urgent care Nurse Practitioner called me back on Monday and was suitably apologetic/outraged about the mint thing, and looked up every OTC product that might work as a substitute, since she couldn’t find any prescription level without mint. On Tuesday she called back again having found this:

It’s 4%, so just below prescription strength, while not oral grade, it’s actually fine for soft tissues as long as not fully ingested/internally applied. And most importantly, ABSOLUTELY NO ADDED FLAVORINGS. there is also a spray version that comes in a bottle, which under no circumstances should you try because it uses alcohol as a propellant and I had a very bad 5 minutes after testing that one. But the cream one is fine and brings blessed numbness in around 5 minutes with only minimal contact pain--they are still open wounds after all. 

I use this for the next 7 days. By this point the sores have gotten worse and larger, and then started to heal and shrink again. Mouth canker sores go through a similar ~2 week process, so this is about what I expected.

Finally the results of my bloodwork came back, and I was negative for all STIs. The NP was dumbfounded and apologized, and agreed to look up more information/treatment options for cases like this in the future. I’m not surprised her reaction was to assume herpes as it IS very common, but I’m sure other women experience NSGU’s and receive improper treatment. If you look them up, they’re even mentioned as being predominantly a problem for “young or prepubescent women” which, reading between the lines--it’s not that these become less likely if you’re older or sexually active. Doctors just make assumptions and don’t always look past the easy answers.

So if you or someone you know ends up with these--from the Covid vaccine or as a complication of upper respiratory infections in general (as they ARE an immune response and can just Happen to you)--here is what works as treatment. If you can see a doctor you trust, still do that. But if they don’t listen or if for some reason you can’t seek treatment, here is the course of action I recommend: 

Pick up that over-the-counter Pain Relief+Lidocaine NON MINTY numbing cream ASAP. Sores go from “annoying” to “excruciating” in only 3 days, so it’s best to get in person or with rush shipping. Sit in front of a mirror and gently apply with a q-tip, and wait 5 minutes for the medicine to take effect.

Pat gently dry with toilet paper, don’t make wiping motions. If you don’t feel clean enough, pat more with a wet washcloth and rinse it out, or hope in the shoer for 5 min just to rinse.

There may be pus or reside from the ointment that doesn’t go away with just rinsing. Every 2 days I made a half-strength bath of epsom salts, NUMBED FULLY, and then took a 10 minute bath to fully cleanse the area. the salt will sting terribly if you wait any longer, so I recommend standing and rinsing after this time.

The vulva is more exposed to air than the mouth. this may cause the sores to crack/bleed as they dry out. to avoid this, after using the restroom and cleaning yourself, you can apply a thick coating of Aquaphor on top of the sores. It will need to be rinsed off before you apply more numbing cream however, so if that is too many steps I recommend just using the Aquaphor overnight.

You may think its ok to get up in the middle of the night to pee without the numbing cream bc you have to go really bad and just once will be fine but it is NOT you will REGRET IT.

Unfortunately if you have sores on both sides you may develop what is known as “kissing sores”, aka sores directly opposite each other that touch when the area is not spread open. this means that after an extended period of time (overnight), the sores will try to heal into each other and opening the area back up painfully rips the tissue apart. INStEAD of ripping them apart, take a washclosh, run it under warm water, and do a hot/warm compress on the area. this will loosen the sores back up and separate them painlessly.

This is not exclusive to people with a vulva, they can also happen on scrotal/anal tissue. However it does seem to much more frequently affect people with typical XX sex organs. 

If you develop these, PLEASE fill out an averse reaction form or your country’s equivalent. Also, I’m so sorry and if you need emotional support or have questions please feel free to get in touch.

Most likely, these will not happen to you--the vast majority of vaccinated people have not had this as a side effect. But it IS popping up more and more, and it is good to know about it in advance so you can be prepared to deal with and treat it without as much anxiety and all the hoops I had to jump through to get good care. Overall I’m still glad to be vaccinated, but if I had known this was a side effect, as someone already prone to canker sores I would have waited to vaccinate until my car was fixed a week later a the very least :|

[thisisthefanfic]

Ooh, could you do a Commander Fox fluff something? :0. Love that man and he deserves some love. Also, nice to meet you, Fluffy!!

Totally!! Nice to meet you too! I hope you enjoy this despite all the backstory

Cookies

Pairing: Commander Fox x reader

Genre: fluff

Warnings: very brief language

Rating: PG

The Clone Wars as they had been dubbed were pretty strange for everyone, it seemed like every day there was some wild accusations flying around or a traitor or bounty hunter running free through Coruscant. You would have thought that things couldn’t be any weirder, that you would expect just about anything to happen nowadays, but here you were, dating one of the grumpiest clones you knew: Commander Fox.

Commander of the Coruscant Guard, Fox was constantly frowning under his helmet from the stress on focusing on every small detail of his job, evaluating his subordinates constantly to look for ways to make improvements on their performances, and making notes on all the insecure locations he patrolled. You had met each other just that way, you were an assistant for one of the resident senators, and after noticing that someone had broken in their office, you called the guard to evaluate the office. Fox had inspected every corner of that room, and somehow found some evidence while he made notes on security improvements, when the thief came back he captured them right in front of your eyes, letting out a deep growl of anger when the thief had tried to grab you as a hostage.

“Perhaps I should patrol here more to make sure this location is secure. I’ll do it personally, that way the rest of the guard can focus on the jail and other areas.” He’d babbled as he stalked off with the thief, glancing back at you a few times as he went.

You’d began to see each other more, and soon started dating, and despite his gruff and no-nonsense personality, he could be rather thoughtful. After the attack on the Jedi Temple, your nerves had become frayed as rumors spread on where the next attack would be, he placed two of his most trusted men to guard the senate, but especially you, he even somehow managed to leave nice sticky notes for you in your apartment, which was a bit creepy since he didn’t have your key, but sweet nonetheless.

Unfortunately, after chasing down the ARC trooper Fives, when he attempted to shoot at the rogue trooper, one of his men had panicked and pushed Fox against several crates, which caused one to land on his leg. The positive side was Fives was being sent to Kamino for some therapy after some Jedi intervention, but the negative was that now your typically grumpy boyfriend was laid up on your couch with a broken leg and an even more sour attitude.

“I hate this.” He grumbled for the tenth time that day. “Hey I’m not that annoying.” You snorted, which just earned you a raised brow and a deeper scowl.

It was actually kind of funny to see him this way, in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt instead of a full uniform, but he looked so uncomfortable on your plush couch as if it was the most uncomfortable place he’d ever been.

“Need anything?” You asked, expecting him to say no as per usual.

“Actually...” he sighed. “Yeah. Can you make me cookies?”

“What??” You almost shouted as you spun around, forgetting your dishes as you looked at him like he’d suddenly become a bantha. “W-why? Not that I mind it’s just...odd?”

“Can you just do it...I don’t really have a reason not exactly.” He grumbled under his breath as he folded his muscular arms over his chest.

“You know what, yeah I can. Maybe it can cure you of your rbf.” You joked as you looked through your fridge.

“I don’t even know what that means.” He retorted, but at that point you were too busy getting out a tray for the cookie dough you’d found in your fridge. “Can you make them with a candy bar inside too?”

Now that was odd, Fox didn’t ever want sweets and now he wanted a hybrid of two of your favorite sweets? Strange, but you’d do it, it almost felt like a challenge at this point.

After about an hour of baking and snarking back at the grouchy Commander who apparently couldn’t stop teasing you, you finally finished the chocolate stuffed cookies. “Ok are you ready your majesty?” You sassed as you brought him the plate of cookies.

“Yes I am you little shit,” he grumbled, but once you placed the plate in his lap his face softened a bit. “And thank you. Please have some too.”

“Why did you want these?” You asked as you chewed on one of the cookies. “I mean I was happy to make them for you but very curious.”

“Because sometimes I forget to take things slow, and I forget what’s actually important. It’s not just all about work and stopping traitors to the Republic, and I remember when I first met you, you’d made some cookies for the first time, and you insisted we try them.” He started as he looked at anywhere but you.

“I remember that now! Those cookies were awful!” You laughed, how could you have forgotten?

“Yeah they were,” he snorted. “But you’d made them yourself, they were your cookies and they just felt like home and love...and well I guess I needed some of that.”

“Oh Fox,” you sighed. “You don’t have to ask for cookies to get love, I love you so much, I’m sorry if I don’t show it enough.”

“No no!” He blurted, before blushing and continuing. “I mean to say, you do show me love, but sitting here for days had made me realize I hadn’t taken the time to enjoy that love enough, especially because life has been so crazy, and I guess I kind of hoped we could just share these...since you like cookies and candy bars.”

After a moment of silence he bristled. “Nevermind it was dumb...”

“Not at all!” You corrected. “I’m just stunned that you could be so sweet all at once.” You teased him.

“Yeah well these cookies still taste burnt, just not as bad as last time.” He smirked, making you bend over laughing.

Yeah he had a lot of work to do, and you both liked annoying the crap out of each other, but deep down, you both really loved each other, and even the weird world you were living in couldn’t change that.

[frozenartscapes]

A continuation of part one. Edelgard begins to experience modern Fodlan, and has many questions.

-- -- --

So this...was a “car”?

Edelgard stared at the metal contraption before her, head tilted slightly to one side. “I don’t...understand,” she said after a moment, “Is it like a carriage?”

“Sort of,” Byleth replied, “Only it drives itself.”

Another head tilt, this time in the other direction. “How does it do that?”

“Uh... To be honest, explaining it simply would be a bit of a challenge. I’m not much of a mechanic,” Byleth said sheepishly.

“A...mechanic?”

“You know what? Why don’t we get going and I’ll start answering while we drive.”

Edelgard awkwardly settled into the passenger seat of Byleth’s car, her antiquated armour and battledress making things a little difficult. It took a few more minutes for Byleth to teach her about a seatbelt and why it was necessary.

“We never had such precautions when we rode horses. Or wyverns.”

“Yeah, but even wyverns don’t fly as fast as cars.”

Eventually they were off, and the ride was painfully silent. Though it wasn’t because of any kind of animosity. Edelgard was too busy staring out the windows, quietly gasping in amazement as they drove through the city toward Byleth’s downtown apartment.

“If we hadn’t met in the palace, I would never believe you if you told me this was Enbarr,” Edelgard said eventually, as they drove down the main boulevard that was lined with all kinds of high-end shops and restaurants. It was the end of the week, and the nightlife was only just ramping up. People from all backgrounds were flocking to various entertainment venues for a fun night out. It was a far cry from the Enbarr the Emperor had known.

“I guess it has changed quite a lot,” Byleth admitted as they pulled up to an intersection.

Edelgard frowned in confusion. “Why are we stopping?”

“Because the light’s red.”

Edelgard glanced up at the light in question. “So it is, but... It doesn’t appear that anyone else is moving through the intersection. Can we not go?”

“No. Because the light’s red.”

“I fail to see why a simple light would have such power.”

Byleth let out a tired sigh. “It’s just...how traffic works now. Trust me: if you saw this light during rush hour, you’d appreciate the control way more.”

“...Rush hour?”

The light mercifully turned green, and Byleth allowed the subject to drop. Edelgard was once again preoccupied with taking in the sights of the city, marvelling especially at the tall condo and office towers. That’s when Byleth remembered the radio.

“Hey, I have something to show you,” she said, reaching for the power button on the dashboard. The radio flicked to life, softly playing a talk show station Byleth had been listening to that morning.

Edelgard’s eyes lit up like a child seeing snow for the first time. “What is this?” she breathed, leaning in to better inspect the radio.

Byleth chuckled. “Try it out. This dial here tunes it, so you can switch between stations. And this one is for the volume. Careful with that one: it can get pretty loud in here. All the numbered buttons are stations I’ve saved.”

Edelgard tentatively turned the tuning dial, gasping in pleasant surprise when the radio switched to playing some classical music. Byleth couldn’t help but grin as she watched the fearsome Emperor messing about with a car radio, fully and un-ironically engrossed in the technology.

She spent the rest of the trip like that, and the way she struggled to hide her disappointment when the radio turned off with the car brought another grin to Byleth’s face. “Just wait until you discover the TV,” Byleth teased as she led the Emperor toward the elevator.

“I can tell you are clearly enjoying yourself,” Edelgard commented coolly, “I’m glad my curiosity is somewhat entertaining.”

“Sorry,” Byleth said gently, “I guess it’s just...strange. Seeing you like this.”

The elevator doors opened with a ding, catching her attention once more. “Doors that open on their own?” she wondered, “What sort of magic is at play here?”

“No magic, just...technology,” Byleth explained. She headed into the elevator, and Edelgard hesitantly followed. She pressed the button for her floor, and the doors closed. The elevator lurched - it always did, they really needed to fix that - and Edelgard latched onto her arm almost instinctively. A blush spread across the Emperor’s face, and she quickly stepped away in embarrassment.

“S...so...” she stammered, tucking one strand of hair behind her ear as she desperately avoided eye contact, “Why did we purposely trap ourselves in this tiny room? And why does it feel like it’s moving?”

“It’s an elevator. It’s taking us up to the floor my apartment’s on,” Byleth told her, “And before you ask: no, there’s no magic involved here, either. This one’s a giant metal cable attached to this box, and it’s pulled and lowered by a giant mechanism on the top of the building.”

“...And...how high up is this floor we’re going to?”

“It’s the fourteenth.”

“...I don’t know how high that actually is but you’re telling me the thing keeping this box from crashing to the ground below is one measly cable?”

“Well, technically the cable’s not measly. And there’s a failsafe installed in every elevator, making it impossible for them to fall, even if the cable breaks.”

Edelgard was staring at her like she had grown a second head.

“Ok, elevators freaked me out at first, too. But trust me: this totally beats taking the stairs.”

The elevator doors opened, and Byleth led the way to her apartment. Upon opening the door, they were met with a cozy space. A small hallway led down to the living room, the kitchen was just off to the left, a closet to the right. There were a few dishes left piled in the sink, some books left scattered around, clothes draped over the back of the couch.

“Heh, sorry,” Byleth said sheepishly, “I wasn’t expecting company.”

Edelgard glanced around at the strange new setting. Her eyes settled on the large windows in the living room, her feet taking her over without even realizing it. Byleth followed, watching closely. The Emperor gazed over her former home, seemingly sprawling in every direction as far as the eye could see. The sun had just set, with a few traces of twilight still in the inky sky. But the city had become alive in the darkness, millions of lights from windows and streets forming a completely new metropolis.

“The view’s even better from out here,” Byleth offered, sliding the balcony door open and gesturing out.

Edelgard seemed hesitant, but she wordlessly followed and stepped out onto the balcony, moving to the railing as she once more took in the sights with an unreadable expression. Eventually though, her eyes trained downward, and she realized just how tall fourteen floors really was. “Oh Goddess, we’re high,” she gasped backing as far from the railing as she could get.

Byleth chuckled. “Believe it or not, there’s still another ten floors to this building, too,” she said lightly.

“How were they able to construct a building so tall?” Edelgard demanded, “I don’t think even the tallest spire at Garreg Mach could reach this height.”

“No, it was...actually pretty short by today’s standards,” Byleth admitted, “They figured out how to build tall and skinny buildings by utilizing steel and concrete.” She paused. “Ok, I realize that probably doesn’t explain much. Just...just trust me: tall buildings like this are the norm now.”

“O...ok,” Edelgard stammered. Her eyes darted out to the view for a moment. “It...it is a nice view, but I think I’d like to go back inside now.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Byleth agreed, “Come on. I’ll show you the guest room.”

Byleth gave Edelgard a quick tour of the apartment, concluding in the second bedroom. Edelgard had been strangely quiet for the whole tour, and now stood awkwardly near the bed, glancing around the room with mild uncertainty. Byleth decided to give her a little space, so she headed out to the linen closet.

When she returned, Edelgard had taken a seat on the bed, and was staring down at her hands.

“Ok, so here are some towels. If you like, I can show you how to get a shower going. And I’ll grab some of my old clothes, too. If you’d like to change out of that dress,” Byleth stated, hoping her hospitality would help the Emperor adjust, “And are you hungry? I don’t really have a whole lot of food right now, but I can order something. Maybe some Almyran? Or Duscurian? Oh! I know a place that does really good Brigid-spiced chicken.”

Edelgard sighed, unable to meet Byleth’s eyes. “There are...many things I don’t understand,” she admitted, “I think...it’s all starting to hit me. But the strangest thing isn’t that I’ve been transported into the future.” She gulped nervously, and finally looked up. “It’s that you’ve been so kind to me.”

Something clamped around Byleth’s heart and refused to let go. She carefully headed over and took a seat on the bed next to the Emperor. “I’m...I’m sorry,” she said softly, “I suppose the change must feel quite sudden for you. But...I’ve had many years to think about what I did... How I treated you...”

“We were on opposing sides of a war. It seems like only a few hours ago I was waiting for your army to break down my door and for us to engage in our final battle,” Edelgard uttered, “It was, for me. I was prepared to die by your blade... And you were prepared to do it.”

Byleth grimaced. “I...did do it,” she confessed, running a hand through her hair to push her bangs out of her face, “I... Goddess, Edelgard, I... I split your skull open.”

“I suppose I should thank you for being quick about it,” Edelgard commented grimly, “I wonder if that’s why it seems I suddenly appeared here, as if nothing had happened.”

“You came here the moment you died...” Byleth muttered, “But...why?”

Edelgard frowned, clearly thinking about it. “I’m...not sure,” she eventually admitted, “This certainly wasn’t any trick of mine. By the time we fought, I just wanted to... Never mind.” She drew a deep breath, and Byleth could practically see her shoving those negative thoughts and emotions away. She cast Byleth a small smile, and said, “I’m just...glad it was you who found me, Professor.”

“I... Me too.” Byleth returned the smile with one of her own. She then got up, offering a hand to the Emperor. “Well, you probably want to get cleaned up. I’ll show you how to work the shower.”

“...Is there some sort of device that makes it rain indoors?”

“Well...sort of.”

-- -- --

“Ok, so you’ve got hot and cold water,” Byleth said, pointing to two nobs imbedded into the tiled wall, “You pull this little lever all the way up to turn on the shower. You kind of have to give it a good tug - it sticks sometimes.” She then motioned to the various bottles on the wall. “You can also use the shampoo and conditioner - make sure you use both, and in that order. I don’t know why, to be honest, that’s just how they make them. And soap is there.”

Edelgard followed along intently, still mesmerized by the strange room Byleth had led her to. The tub and sink were simple white, with silver fixtures that magically distributed water whenever it was desired. Byleth insisted it wasn’t magic, but... Come on. Something had to be magic in this world, right? There was also this strange, porcelain seat that Byleth had to awkwardly explain, too.

Eventually, Byleth left her alone for some privacy. And she was met with her first real challenge of this new world: taking a shower.

She hadn’t realized just how badly she had lost that fight until she started removing her mangled dress and armour. Her hair was practically tied to her crown, and it took a good twenty minutes just to be free of the heavy golden contraption. Removing the rest of her armour was easier, and it wasn’t long before she had stripped down to just her underclothes. She decided to wait until she got the shower working before discarding them, just in case she needed to call Byleth.

She turned one of the nobs on the wall, and water started to flow out of the large spout into the tub. She then tugged on the lever, and the water stopped. There was a beat, and then it started to flow out of another spout mounted higher on the wall, pouring out in multiple little streams as if it were a heavy downpour.

“Huh. So it does make it rain indoors,” she mused.

She then removed the rest of her clothing, and tentatively stepped into the shower.

COLD

She yelped in immediate surprise, and almost slipped on the smooth surface of the tub, only just managing to catch herself on the metal bar with a curtain suspended over the top. Probably for just such a purpose. She scooted away from the frigid water as much as she could.

What did Byleth say again? The other nob must be for the hot water. She bit her lip and lunged into the cold water, grabbing the hot water dial and cranking it as far as it would go.

There was a brief moment when the shower was perfect. Then...

HOT

She yelped again, once more fleeing the water before her skin began to burn.

Why in Sothis’ name would Byleth have such a torture device in her home? And supposedly use it regularly?

“Edelgard?” Byleth called after knocking on the door, “You ok in there?”

“Y...yes, my teacher!” she called back, too proud to admit this stupid shower was besting her.

“You have to balance the temperature,” Byleth shouted, “Don’t turn both nobs up all the way! Try just turning them both a little at a time until the water’s warm.”

Edelgard huffed, but set about it. Rather than diving back into the boiling water, she hopped out of the tub and approached from the side. Eventually, after much trial and error, she managed to get the water to an appropriate temperature.

And only then did she start appreciating it. To think: just having constant hot or cold water on demand! No servants or fire spells necessary. She could feel the warm water and steam washing away all the sweat and grime and blood from her body and it felt so relaxing.

She supposed it was time for to wash her hair. The shampoo bottle said it was fragranced to smell like cucumber and green tea, and was supposed to make hair shiny and soft. She followed the instructions carefully, and only cursed the stuff once when some of it got in her eye. She did the same for the conditioner, and before she was even out of the shower she could tell this stuff was going to do wonders for her hair. She had never felt it so sleek and smooth before.

She had at least experienced soap before, and found herself relieved to find something she was familiar with.

Once finished she turned the water off and reached for the towels Byleth had provided. She returned to her room to find Byleth had left a small pile of folded clothes on the bed. It felt...strange, to wear her old teacher’s clothes. But she had no desire to wear her dirty battledress again, so she reached for a shirt on the top of the pile.

Byleth had just ordered that chicken from the Brigidian food place, and was anxiously pacing back and forth in her living room, ears trained for any sign of distress. Nothing too catastrophic came from the bathroom, but Byleth still guessed she’d likely have to take a mop to it once Edelgard was done.

Speaking of, the former Emperor of Fodlan entered the living room, hair still wet but brushed and free from any intricate hairstyle. Byleth couldn’t hold back the smile spreading on her lips, though, much to Edelgard’s annoyance. The smaller woman was practically swimming in Byleth’s old clothes. The legs of the sweatpants bunched up around her feet, and the blue, red, and yellow sweatshirt was at least two sizes too big, with sleeves going well past her hands and it being so long it could count as a dress.

“Ok, we’ll go out clothes shopping for you in the morning,” she stated, still unable to stop her grin.

Edelgard nodded, glancing down at her new borrowed wardrobe. “I have to admit... These are strange clothes, even if they did fit me,” she said, “What does ‘GMU’ stand for?”

“Garreg Mach University,” Byleth replied, “I, uh, thought it was fitting.”

“So it’s a university now?” Edelgard wondered.

“Yeah, I was a prof there in another life. I wanted to try teaching again,” Byleth told her casually, “It’s...different when it’s actual academic stuff and not military training.”

Edelgard chuckled at that. “I can imagine... No offence, but you were never really good at that side of teaching,” she said.

“None taken. I know I was bad at all that school stuff. But I got better.”

They fell into somewhat of an awkward silence, Edelgard taking in some of the details of Byleth’s apartment she missed earlier, and Byleth unsure of where to go from there. Eventually, she gestured to the couch. “You’re welcome to take a seat!” she suggested, “Dinner’s on the way. But I can make us a snack in the meantime, if you like.”

“That...sounds nice, my Teacher,” Edelgard said as she hesitantly made her way over to the couch. As she got herself comfortable, Byleth headed into the kitchen to throw a bag of popcorn in the microwave.

It only just started popping when she noticed Edelgard in the kitchen entrance. She glanced at the microwave, that inquisitive stare back on her face. “Is that...”

“It’s not magic, I’m afraid,” Byleth said before the thought could be finished.

Edelgard frowned. “Is anything magic in this world anymore?” she asked, a hint of worry beginning to show through.

“Not really. Well, technically, yes,” Byleth said, “A lot of the technology nowadays was inspired by the magic we knew. Some of it even still uses magic, but not to the same degree we needed it before. It makes it more accessible, especially since not everyone was skilled in magic.”

“I...see...”

The popcorn finished up, then, and Byleth fished it out of the microwave. She dumped the bag into a large bowl, then offered it to Edelgard. “Well, here you go: your first modern food,” she said with a smile.

Edelgard glanced down at the popcorn with skepticism written all over her face. She delicately selected a single puffy piece from the bowl, eyes narrowing as she closely inspected it. Eventually, she finally popped it in her mouth.

Her eyes widened almost instantly. Byleth couldn’t hold back her laughter.

“You lied,” Edelgard breathed, taking another few pieces of popcorn eagerly, “This food is proof magic is still alive and well in Fodlan!”

[myfeetkeepdancing]

Numb | Tom Holland x Male!Reader

Words: 9091

Warnings: Smut and negative thoughts?

A/N: Sit yourself down for this one. This is loooooong! It’s completely different from what I usually write. Still had an absolute blast writing it. 

Check out the request description below!

Requested by: @idwithoutthesuperego​:  Ok, but a fic where tom sells his body for money because he just needed the money and reasons. And male reader's friends buy a "night" with him without telling reader after a bad breakup. But they just click, and MR kinda falls in love n wants to do the "i'm gonna date you and get you out of that life". But tom is just like "i dont believe in people anymore and im destined to die in some alley being used". This is oddly especiffic, but is something i would just love to read about if u can, plz.

Oh, and if you consider being a good soul and wirtting a fic for my ask, PLEASE make a happy ending hahaha My heart wouldnt be able to handle that drama without the happiness

Tears dry up. Eventually. Suppressing the pain. Left with unanswered questions. For weeks they bothered your conscience. Hang around your neck like a millstone. A burden on your soul. Pondering. That’s what you’re left doing. Your day to day life slowing down to a grinding halt. Everything went on auto-pilot. While your mind pondered over every moment of what could have been. What if… And, if I…

 Circling in your mind forever. Sleep didn't come easy. Nor did any desire for anything. Friend and family kept summing up the logical steps of coping. Stages of grief. "It'll pass." Those little sentences stuck with you. “It’ll take time.” Each and everyone kept repeating it. But what value did it have? What lessons could you take from those words? For you are left with an empty house. An empty couch. An empty chair. And an empty place beside you. Alone. Trapped within your own mind.

 Pondering over every thought and every memory.

 That feeling of nothingness. It’s strange at first. You manage to go on with your life. Sleep returns at night. And waking up wasn’t at painful as it was at first. You couldn’t put your finger on it. But it could be described as numbness. Everything went on autopilot. And feelings were shut off. Barricaded behind layers of overthinking and mind-boggling thoughts. No sense of desire anywhere. The impact of a broken relationship was far worse then you imagined.

 Just comfortably numb.

 "This will do you good." Your friend tries to convince you again. Pushing the flyer into your hand. “For a moment, try to think ab-...” The words reach your ear in waves. Disturbed by sounds coming from somewhere close by. Ringing in your ears. Folding open the flyer, you see some sort of menu. You squint again, slightly intoxicated by the last few beers. This wasn’t some ordinary menu, like a Chinese take-out restaurant. You feel your blood boiling. Heart racing in your chest cavity. You peel your eyes from the fat printed letters. “Men of your choosing."

 “Give it a shot." Your friend nudges you against your shoulder. Seeing the fury in your eyes building, as you look up. "I choose this one for you." Pointing to a loosely attached picture. "He looks nice, doesn't he?"

 “Why would you…?" You mumble, shaking your head in disgust. “Get out.” Tossing everything his way. “Just get out…” Pushing yourself up from the couch. Pacing back and forth across the room, before turning into the kitchen. Raking your fingers through your hair. Letting the cold water from the tap, run across your face. Why do people keep meddling in your business? It's exhausting. A sudden burst of rage and anger courses through you, but it ebbs away as quickly as it came. Leaving you feeling defeated and numb again. Falling back into the kitchen chair. Gaze fixated on the moonlight illuminating the scenery in front of you —mind blank.

 Footsteps approach from behind you. You’ve heard the door open and close. You assumed your friend left. But an unknown voice calls to you. "Hey…"

 "You can go." You respond instantly; without looking,  waving him away. "Please." Releasing an unintended long sigh. Sinking deeper into the chair. Your gaze fixated on the endless void in front of you.

 "I can't." The voice says calm and controlled. "I'm booked for the entire night."

 "I don't care." Shrugging your shoulders. "Please just leave me be. Tip yourself on the way out, wallet is in my coat." You just sit there, sulking in your own misery.

 It's quiet for a good moment. You guess he's probably still there. Standing a few feet behind you.

“You’re awfully calm for a situation like this.”

 "Right…" You chuckle to yourself. “Thanks.”

 "Your friend told me." Hearing his footsteps approach instead of fading away, sending you an uneasy feeling down your spine. "It's ok…" You hear him right behind you. “He means well.” Your body jolts up in the chair, as his hands rest upon your shoulders. His hands just rest. Nothing more. Yet you feel every touch of his finger, every point of contact upon your body. A weird sensation. Even more, as his thumbs begin pressing and rolling around the lower part of your neck. Rubbing your skin. Slowly massaging your sore muscles. A sudden involuntary grunt escapes you.  "I know it's difficult."

 "I… I don't know if… I…" You try to shake the thought of it out of your mind. It conflicted deeply within you. Yet, his touch. So simple, yet strangely satisfying. A different kind of emotion began to rise. Something that had been locked away, far and deep.

 "Please…" He says with subtlety and kindness in his voice. And as he moves past you. The man came into view. Your eyes are somehow captivated by first sight. As he sinks down onto his knees. A thin smile cracked his wistful glance. "It's going to be okay."

 He looked so young, yet worn in a way you couldn't put your finger on. A sorrowful face you had never seen. Long, brown curls gracefully tumbled down his head. The contours of his face were absolutely stunningly shaped. The thin lips and sharp jawline. A work of art. A little imperfection on his right brow. Small hairs rebelling against the flow. Yet his face drained with a gaunt stare. The eyes didn't fool you. Set deep into his face. Small and brown, caramel-like of color. They showed little signs of life left in them. Hollow. Like a flame died out long ago. A spark long lost. A view into the past what once used to be. It lost its touch. It’s humanity...

 Yet, somehow you feel magically drawn to those sorrowful and silent features. Most fascinating, almost hypnotizing. The moment of eye contact was unexpected long. His touch sending you back reality.

 With both his hand on your inner thigh, slowly rubbing his way upwards. The touch of his fingers sends shudders through your systems. They felt so warm. You close your eyes for a moment, shielding your crotch. A moment of insecurity. You couldn't do this. This feeling. Your body, its sending signals you haven't felt in ages. "I… I… don't think I'm ready for this, I'm sorry…"  

 “I get that.” He says, while with one hand lifting your chin. You feel his soft fingers on your cheek. The first touch of a man in months. Your heart flutters excitingly.  And before you open your eyes to meet his. His lips tenderly grace yours. For a brief moment, they join each other. Soft as a cushion, and so warm. It happens quickly. But you want it to last forever. As he disconnects, his dark brown eyes stare at you with compassion. "Your body is, though." He smiles thinly, interlacing his fingers with yours. Gently rubbing down onto your growing bulge.

 “W-Wh …” You stutter and try to protest. But your hands pull back slowly, bit by bit.

 He seats himself back on the floor, spreading your legs apart. Positioning himself closer. With care, he begins to remove your belt. Halting at the first button of your pants. "Try to relax."

 You hesitantly look on. As the zipper opens up. Latching both fingers on the band of your underwear, he slowly pulls in down. Removing your pants, revealing your member, semi-hard. Waiting for the action.

 Leaning forward, he tilts his head and slowly begins working. One simple touch and you were gone. This soft, warm tongue, stroking gently along your length. In a matter of seconds, it's standing full mast. Wrapping his fingers along the base, he continues at a slow pace. Meanwhile, your heart was beating like crazy against your ribcage. You're breathing fastened and irregular.

 “W-What’s your name?” You interrupt. His eyes connect with yours as he looks up through his laces. But doesn’t respond. “P-Please…” You whimper softly.

 He stops, holding your length in one hand. “I’m Tom.” Wetting his lips as he watches you struggle. “You doing alright?”

 You nod quickly, struggling to get your words out. Swallowing the lump in your throat. “T-T-T…om”

 But before you manage to utter another word. He brings his tongue in contact with your tip. Keeping eye contact with you. With a few simple licks, slicking it wet with his saliva. The sensation of his tongue working his way round and round your tip was tantalizing. But the sudden, slide of your tip past his lips and down into his mouth was heavenly. Your body tenses up, hip bucking into his grasp. Moaning his name in response. With your hands clamped to the side of the chair, your fingers digging deep into the wood. Turning your knuckles white, the muscles in your arm cramping up as you can't hold up. You shudder from pure bliss. Only a few strokes up and down with his hands combined with his mouth made you groan deeper and deeper.

 Your eyes widen as he suddenly stops. He rises to his feet, keeps his gaze at you, and with both hands lifting the hoodie over his head. And as the hoodie came off, your eyes hunger for every bit of exposed skin you could possibly find. Giving you a glimpse of a well-trained body. A sneak-peek of a six-pack. Broad shoulders, pecks shining through the shirt. Leaving a much revealing, loosely hanging shirt on his figure. But you feel somewhat caught the moment you get eye contact with him again. His expression was painful to watch. You could almost sense his disappointment. His misery. It's only then you realize the shame. The realization hits you that you view him as an object. As lust.

 "It's ok." Seeing his eyes soften before you, followed by a small smile.

 But it's only a split second before he's back at you again. You can't help but peak past his face down into his shirt. Past his collarbone, onto his muscular torso. God…  

 You snap back to reality, feeling his hand reach for yours. Pulling it from your side. "Hold my hair."

 "W-What…?"

 "Fuck my throat." Sliding his mouth over your member again. Slowly picking up pace. "Go on." He gurgles. Keeping eye contact the whole time.

 “Why are you doing this, Tom?” You ask with a slight tone of disappointment. "You seem so out of place." Lifting his face from your member. "Terribly out of place."

 "Please don't (Y/N)." The mention of your name makes you blush.

 "No, Tom. This isn’t right." You point at his shirt. “Let me look at you.”

 "Wha…-" He sighs, hanging his head down in shame. "No, please don't."

 "Tom, I mean no wrong." You couldn’t help yourself. You could foreshadow what was beneath that shirt. Being in that sort of business took its toll. You caught a glimpse of it when he got rid of his hoodie.

 His gaze was stuck to the floor for a moment. Contemplating on his actions. Before taking to his feet. Slow and defeated. Averting your gaze before turning around. With crossed arms, he takes the corners of his shirt. And pulls it over his head. Waiting for your reaction. You swallow the lump in your throat once again. Seeing the small spots of discolored skin on his back. The bruises. Some larger than the other. Some bright red, the others darkened. The words stock in your throat, feeling the tears well in your eyes. The thought of him suffering by the hands of others made you sick. The poor thing.

 You rise to your feet, closing the distance between you and him. Gracing your fingers on the bruises. “Do they… hurt you?” Tracing your fingers down his side. Partly feeling the muscles under your fingers. But the fact that he didn’t answer your question made you more than worried.

 “Promise me one thing, (Y/N)…” He stops your hand from trailing along the side of his figure. Resting his hand on yours. He’s glowing. Warm to the touch. You can’t help but close the distance. Placing your other hand on his hip.

 With a thin smile, he turns around. Your eyes take in every inch, from his pecs to his abs. A breathtaking body stood in front of you. Strong and masculine. But not too big. "God…" You awe. "You're g-gorgeous-..." Your throat falls dry at the sight. You feel flutters deep down. “I… I’m sorry.”

 “It’s okay.”

 Small bruises dotted down his side. Dark from color, pain from long ago. "Tom…" You mutter worryingly. All the time you awed at his body, he averted his eyes. Looking aside. You now understand why. As your eyes sink lower and lower. You spot the bulge in his pants. Impossible to hide. "Are you…" Not finishing your question because of the obvious. The red rushing to his cheeks.

 He still nods in acknowledgment. "I…I… never had this happen before.”

 “Do you…” A finger on your lips silences your words. Stepping very close to you, spotting his watery eyes up close.

"Yes! Yes, I do!" He confessed, with tears welling in the corner of his eyes. Shaking as he struggles to get his words out. "But promise me…that when…” His nostrils flaring. “-This will never work (Y/N)…" Smashing his lips into yours. You didn’t want to listen to his words. None of it. His arms reach around you, pulling you in. Wrapping your own around him, feeling every part of his skin. Pressed tight against him. Ripping the remaining clothes off your body. You just wanted to feel that perfect body. And so did he, roving his hands all over yours.

 Every kiss has a raw intensity. There’s just too much skin and too few hands and tongues to worship it all. Both your bodies collide against each other completely naked. His firm and rigid cock pressing against your skin. It glides through your hand as wet as it can be. Tom jerking you off at the same time. Moans and grunts fill the room. Tom’s member too slippery to even get a hold of. The sight of it makes you weak in the knees. The chair behind you topples over from your vicious play. As you stumble out of the kitchen. Against the doorpost, over the couch. Towards the bedroom.

 Together you fall onto the mattress. Rolling back and forth. An intense play of hands and lips. Dry humping against each other. You both can't get enough of each other. His lips kissing every inch of skin. Forcing his weight onto you, making you lay flat on your back. He arches back, and sensually starts grinding his pelvis onto yours. Rubbing your balls and cock together into a soaking wet mess. He must have done this hundreds of times. It looked so smooth and sensual. Moaning softly as he held both of your members together. With gentle hands, but a firm grasp nonetheless. Thrusting both cocks through his hand. His fingers teasing the ridges along the lengths. Spreading the pre-cum with the pad of his thumb. Looking at his face, he's so concentrated that you once again get caught staring at him.

 Both moaning, the air is thick of pheromones, the smell seeping into your mind. Both wanting it badly. As he locks eyes again, he smoothly reaches round with one hand. He seemed really flexible, propped on his knees. Arching backward as he lifts his ass up, guiding your tip to his entrance. A slight resistance gave way, allowing you to slide far and deep into him. The moment you sheath yourself into him deeper and deeper, you watch on as he shudders. Contorting his face. Both hands cling to your chest. With both his hands resting on your torso, the fingers dig deep and hard into your skin. Feeling his shaking and shuddering throughout your body. He closes his eyes for a moment, moaning your name in pleasure. And sinks further forwards to your chest. Panting heavily. After regaining himself, he adjusts his hands on your shoulder. And locks lips with yours. "Y-You… f-feel amazing." Moaning into the kiss. The praise turning you on immensely. Growing impossibly large inside of him.

 And so he slowly begins grinding his hips back and forth with your shaft deep inside him. Feeling yourself widen him further and further. Tom’s moans become long and raw. Sitting up straight again, he takes one hand and forces your cock deeper into him. Reaching further and deeper. While trying to clench his cheeks around you. Hitting different and deeper spots. The sudden increase in pressure and warmth were becoming too much. Not only for you. You see Tom's mouth fall open, gasping for air, his eyes shut tight from ecstasy. His other hand caresses the skin of his neck.

 Your grunts become shorter and shallow. You’re a lost cause. Your mind is blank, completely lost at the sexual pleasure coursing through your body. Racing towards your climax. Both hands clinging to his hips, but your strength wasn’t helping much.

 Tom could feel it coming. Your balls churn. A pent up force, craving to be released. And all it takes is a look into each other’s eyes for you to fill him up. And before you tip the point of no return. He picks up the pace. Making sure to milk every drop by clenching his cheeks harder on you. A loud gasp follows. Shuddering your body to the very core. Your hands dig deep into the side of his hips. The splashing inside is intense as you cum, spilling all over. And Tom just keeps riding. Until you just turn limb. Gasping out his name.

 "Felt good?" He asks, breathing heavily, watching his chest heave up and down. A smile on his face. You again realize what a beautiful person he was. His body atop of yours, glistening with sweat. And a damn cute smile.

 “Out of this world.” You pant, laying your head to rest on the cushion. “You’re incredible.”

 "Good." Cupping your cheeks with both hands and kissing you. The smile on his face was larger than you'd ever seen. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." You notice a sudden sparkle flaring in his eyes. Something igniting deep within.

 "How about you…?" Eyeing his erection. "You didn't blow your load." Wrapping your arms around his neck. Pulling him towards you for a slow and passionate kiss.

 "Don't you worry, I did enjoy it very much." He smiled. "More then I should." Pushing strands of hair from your forehead. "I was close…" He confesses softly.

 "Then why didn't you keep going?"

 "Because that would hurt you…" He blushed.

 "How?"

 "You can't just keep going if you blow your load. At first, it's really sensitive, but then it becomes increasingly itchy, to a point it feels like it burns. Quite painful."

 You're both lost in each other’s gaze. As he falls beside you, curling up to cuddle. Tom resting on your chest. Your fingers playing with the brown silky smooth curls of his. "What can I do to make you feel good?" You whisper to him.

 "You already did." Pressing a soft kiss on your lips. You can't help but notice the way he smiled. It's wholesome. To the point of a complete cuteness.

 "Tom, I want you to feel good too." Slowly tracing your fingers up and down his spine. "Because that smile suits you."

 "But, I don't want to hurt you (Y/N)." He looks up with a growing expression of worry on his face.

 "It won't, Tom." Cupping his cheek. "I want to feel you."

Through all the glistening sweat and wetness on your bodies. You feel his length grow against your thigh. Yourself following along. "Give it to me, baby…" You whisper close to his ear.

 Tom helps himself on his knees. His member standing fully erect, ready for you. A jolt of excitement shoots through you at the sight. It's been forever since you've been pleasured since your break up. Something you actually look forward to now. So you roll onto your knees. "Wait…" You look back at Tom. "Turn over."

 On your back again, eager and waiting, Tom takes you by the hips. Reeling you in. Positioning himself behind you. And turns you on your side.  “This is most comfortable for you.” Kneading your ass cheeks with gentle hands. Captivated by your hole. “Alright?”

 You can’t help but chuckle at his carefulness. How soft and tenderly he was approaching you. Putting a cushion under your hips. Rearranging the sheets. Therefore receiving a semi frowned questioning look from Tom.

 “Sweety, I know what you’re going to do.” You give him a reassuring smile. “I’m ready.”

 “Trust me, if you do it wrong, it’ll hurt like hell.” Giving you a little kiss. “I wouldn’t want that to happen.” You stare at each other for half a second. You draw a deep breath, dizzy with anticipation.

 He moves one leg aside, revealing your entrance. A little gasp of excitement leaves, as you feel his tip slowly slide at your hole. “Please tell me if it hurts.” He asks. You nod eagerly. His hands grip onto your hips, the pressure on your entrance increasing. You lick your lips and suck in another deep breath.  You stifle a groan as you feel your sphincter grip the head of his cock. You’re legs feel numb. You close your eyes, overwhelmed by the feeling, releasing a silent moan.

 He holds the moment your face contorts even the slightest, waiting for you to adjust. Slowly accepting his length. Every inch he enters you, you hear his grunts become heavier. Your warmth and light wetness guiding him deeper. “Y-You’re tight.” He moans, trying to regain this breath. “Fuck…” Wiping the sweat from his face.

 Your dick is throbbing, there was no other way to describe it. Pressed against the sheets. No stimulation but only the motion of his thrusts. Stimulated by his presence. His looks. His thrusts. You're breathless, staring at his physique. He is masculine, but not too much. So complete. The view of his muscles tensing and relaxing. Utterly mesmerizing to watch. Even as he begins to move back and forth. Sweat breaks out all over your body at the first couple of thrusts. Very slow and lovingly.

 Stretching your further as he goes in. His breathing slow and ragged. He pushed deep. Reaching far inside you. Warming places you didn’t know you had. The feeling of his dick fully inside you was driving you to the point of an unexpected climax already. The rigidness of his cock, rubbing your insides. Making you shudder to your very core while praising his name. Your cock already leaking on the sheets.

 The pressure inside you rising faster than ever before. It’s impossible to think straight, his pace was slow and passionate. Yet, you only feel his cock hitting your insides. You grip your sheets, whimpering uncontrollably. You only manage to utter his name, squirming under his pressure. The cum just starts pouring out of you, uncontrollable amounts soaking the already wet area. Tom follows up with another thrust, making you squirt even further. You moan long and hard, feeling your entire body shudder from the release. “Holy s-shit… Tom.” You sputter.

 As you open your eyes, you watch Tom hunched forward. Panting heavily. Eyes clenched shut. "Tom…?" You ask. He holds his hand up to you. Signaling you to wait. After he regains himself again, he positions himself further above you. You hear his hot ragged breath, tightly hugging his hips against your ass cheeks. Cock buried deep inside you. “F-Fuck, (Y/N)…” He grunts. “That was hot…”

 He takes a moment to gather himself again. You do the same. Catching your breath and calming your senses. You wait for Tom to move again.  Before he does, he starts to pepper your body with wet, hot kisses. Moaning your name softly as he begins to roll his hips.

 Goosebumps shoot across your skin at the mention of your name. A sudden yelp escapes your lips, grabbing his attention immediately. To your surprise, you feel a moist sensation touching your cock. You gaze at your member, while it hardens without touch. Only by a few thrusts from his shaft.

 “Shit…” He grunts as he wraps his fingers around your length. An awkward position, but he manages. Stroking your cock, coated by your own cum, slow and steady. Completely captivated by it. You sense it's turning him on immensely, as you feel him thicken inside you.

 You release a silent moan as your mouth falls open. Feeling his girth stretch you even further. The ridges rubbing you in unexpected ways. After a few strokes, he loses his grip, licking the wetness from his fingers, one by one. You watch as he sucks each of his fingers dry in his mouth. “Fuckin’ hell...” He groans. “That’s really good." Leaning in, he lands his lips on yours. "I'm getting close, baby." He moans into the kiss.

 “Go for it.” You whisper into his ear. Holding him close. “Blow your load for me.” As he picks up pace. Desperate for release. His cock feeling incredibly hard inside you. Swelling even further at the mention of your dirty talk. “Blow it all inside me.”

 He grunts deep and hard into your ear. Rolling his hips faster and faster into you. “C’mon, baby.” You encourage him. Feeling his cock grow inside you. His breathing quickens, as does his momentum. Rutting into you faster than before. Not relentlessly, but with a comfortable pace.

 Already widened and stretched from before, you feel his cock hitting you deep again. Each time he hits your thrust back, hitting that same spot, you feel the sensation ache in your cock. Twitching from pleasure. “R-Right there, Tom.” You gasp again.

 He shoots a look at you, realization hitting him that you’re getting close again. “Keep going.” You moan out loud. Not a moment later, you feel him pulse inside you. With a cry, he thrust once more, deep and hard into you. You lift your ass to meet his thrust, his balls slap against your skin. The splashing inside you as he cums is so intense that you feel it spilling down your cheeks. Your mind goes blank. Watching him pump load after load into you. Your cock twitches, barely holding on. As your insides were coated.

 He just pulls out, like a plug of a bathtub. You gasp of relief, feeling the wetness seep outwards.  Drops of wetness fly from his still erect member as it bounces upward. Giving a quick tug on your legs, so you end on your back again. Spreading your legs.

 You’re out of breath for a moment. Not sure what he was going to do. Watching your own dick spring back into view again. All wet and swollen. With force, he pulls you to the side of the bed and kneels down. His fingers wrap around your member. As he suddenly starts suckling on your balls. It's strange ticklish feeling at first, but combined with his firm grasp on your length, and strokes, it became more than that. Your balls begin to churn. Gripping the sheets around you, your head falls back onto the mattress, overwhelmed by this quick handling.  

 “T-Tom!” You cry out. “God!” You plant both your feet on the mattress. You shut your eyes tight, pressing your head back into the mattress, thrusting your hips into his grasp. But he doesn’t slow down.

 “Tom!” You burst out, not only in words. Your eyes widen, gasping out loud as he rubs down hard on your shaft. Cum jets from your swollen cock. Stroking you hard, milking every last possible drop.

 It's only hazy from thereon…

 You’re not sure if you passed out, but it felt like you sprayed the ceiling with your load. The next moment you open your eyes, you find Tom cuddled up against you. Just some sheets covering a few parts. “Did I pass out or…?”

 “You didn’t.” He chuckles, looking up at you with a smile on his face. “You dozed off very shortly after. I don’t blame you.” He sniffles while tracing a finger up and down your chest. You wrap your arm around him. Just living in the moment. "I'm so happy, your friend picked me." He whispered to you. That comment stuck with you.

 "Thank you, Tom." Pressing your lips on his forehead, tasting a taint of salt. Picking a few strands of hair from his forehead. Cuddling together in the safe comfort of each other. The sharing of interests you had in common. Followed by simple chatter about the things in life. Making each other laugh. Having a good time. For once, in a very long time, you felt whole again. His smile. His presence, something felt right. Something clicked.

 And it's that sort of thing you just can’t get enough of. Your eyes are glued to him. The heat rising in your system. That flutter in your stomach. It hurts. In a good way. He is everything you ever wanted in a man.

 You love him.

 All cuddled up against each other, it falls to you how sticky everything actually really his. His skin glistening with sweat and wetness.

 “How about we freshen up?” Rustling your fingers through his curls. “Shower is big enough for both of us.”

 “Good idea.” His lips meeting yours in agreement. "I'll gladly join you."

 Being close to together, naked, warm water, and soap. Things get heated again. You don't know how long you been in the shower. And you don't mind. Because for the time, you felt the rush of living again. Being alive. Receiving praise. Kind words whispered into your ear.

No denying that his smile was infectious. A smile that wouldn't disappear, you noticed. Tom was a whole different person to the one that stepped in earlier tonight. Deep down, you could feel that this version of him was the real him. Loving, caring, passionate.

 And no matter how dangerous shower sex was told to be. You did it. And more. Memories burned into your mind forever.

 You take a moment longer to rinse off the sweat and wetness under the steaming hot water. Recollecting those wonderful moments again. Tom already out. You can't seem to shake your smile. This was right. This is how life should be.

 Turning into the bedroom with your towel wrapped around your waist, your smile drops immediately. "Where you going?" He hastily pushes his phone back into his pocket. Tom was already dressed, ready to put on his jacket.

 "I have to go." He mumbled, avoiding your gaze. His smile nowhere to be seen.

 "Please, just stay."  This moment was bound to happen. But you weren’t going to give in. You’ve seen enough people leave through that door. "Stay with me."

 "I… I… can't… I need to go." Checking the time on his phone.

 "You don't have to do this, you know. I can-" But midsentence, you're cut off.

 "Don’t… (Y/N).” His voice skips a beat. You’re pretty sure you could see tears welling in his eyes. You have to fight to keep them back as well. “P-Please…” He stutters, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand. “Don’t make this harder than it already is."

 "Tom, it's doesn't have to be this way."

 "I warned you. It can't be helped." He sobbed. An hour ago, the man standing in front of you was majestic, beautiful, and full of life. What remained now was nothing of that. Hunched shoulders and hands stuffed into his pockets. Eyes wet from tears.

 "I'll take a chance."

 "Please, stay out of it. Just leave me be. Forget about me."

 "Oh no, I can't. Not in a million years. I'll get you out whatever shithole you got yourself into." You’re just glad he didn’t walk right out. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to follow him. Something was holding him back.

 "It's not worth it. It can't be fixed."

 "Everything takes time to heal."

 "Not me, not me." He snickers. “I… I need to go.”

 You rush to your drawers, pulling fresh clothes out as fast as you can. "Wait, I'll bring you wherever you're going."

 "You'll get into trouble if they see you."

 "I don't care." You quip while jumping into a pair of pants.

 "But I do!" He cries. “I do!”

 "The feeling is mutual." You growled. With your shoes and jacket on, you interlace fingers with his. Dragging him outside. And as you open the door, the pizza delivery shows up. “P-… Pizza delivery?” The man hesitates, looking at the both of you weirded out. “Here.” You shove a bill of cash into his hands. "Now, go!" He instantly rushes off onto the street. With screeching tires, the little scooter darts back up the road. In a big arch, you toss the pizza inside, cheese, and all flying everywhere before you close the door behind you.

 The car ride was uneasy, to say the least. No music. Only darkness and the rain hitting the windshield. Sometimes a finger, pointing you in the right direction. You appeared mad. To say you weren't was a misconception. But not at him. And what kind of music was even appropriate at that moment? Your mind was conflicted. You could just drive the opposite direction. Away from it all. He would be save.

 Would he?

 You couldn’t judge if you didn’t know where he was living. What if they came after him? That would endanger you as well. No, this required a different approach. This needed planning. God, you were in a state to do anything.

 Breath in, breath out. Calm yourself down.

  Hope.

Was it misplaced hope

?

 Hope for a happy ending.

 But hope is the worst of all evils, for it prolongs the torment of men. Words from an old book. Spoken by wise old men as they say. But in the end, the truth runs from the first to the very last word. How naive could you be? Deep down, you knew this was impossible. His words spoken earlier that evening kept circling in the back of your mind. Yet, you cling to that glimmer of hope. Those words in the shower. Those moments together. This couldn't be it?

 You hoped not.

  “Stop here.” He says. “It’s down that alley.” Pointing to a small flickering light in the distance. You could only get a glimpse as the windscreen wipers came by to clear the pouring rain from your window. You spot the outline of a figure standing there. "Turn around the moment I enter that alley. Don't come near.”  

 “I need your number.” Pulling out your phone. But he had already opened the door. “Tom!” You hissed, leaning over to passenger’s seat. Barely in time to get a hold of his arm. “How can I find you?” The wind and rain washing into the car. You have to blink once or twice to keep the rain out of your eyes. “Tom?!”

 “T-Thank you for tonight, (Y/N).”

 "No! Tom!" Tears welling in the corner of your eyes. Awkwardly constrained by your seatbelt, struggling to get a firm grasp on his hand. "Don't do this!" Your fingers begin to lose their grip on his hand, the rain hitting you relentlessly. This sting of pain. You felt this moment before. Slowly slipping away from your fingers. "Not like this!"

 "I'm so sorry…" And with a tug, he pulls his arm free, slamming the door into your face.

 You scream from the top of your lungs. Tears rolling down your cheek, you fumble with the seatbelt. But it won't open. Tears cloud your vision, anger raging from deep within. Forcing you to watch him run through the rain towards that accursed alley. You let your fury loose on anything in range. Until you're deprived of energy. Resting your forehead against the steering wheel. Watching the tears fall from your cheeks. You lost.

 A knock on your window makes you jump. “G-Hello?” A thick accent calls out to you. Your eyes spot the contours of a man. His face closing in on the window. His features unpleasant to the eye, looking like a common fugitive. Not with the best intention. "You zhould not be ghere.”

 So many things raced through your mind. You could just mash the door against his burly, ugly set face. Giving you an advantage to whatever came next. But… What would you achieve with that?

You nod quickly and steer your car the way you came. Driving around mindlessly. Gaze fixated on the horizon.

 It’s been minutes, hours, and days. They’re as grueling as you could possibly imagine. Tormented by your own thoughts. How could you save Tom? You couldn't admit to yourself that you actually knew nothing. There's only a location. That's all.

 Taking a few days off only makes it worse. Sleep doesn’t come at all. Falling back on drinking makes no difference. It only forces out the anger. Until the tipping point of intoxicating takes over your senses.

 Until your eyes spot the flyer, you’re hands tremble as you gaze on the picture of Tom. In all fairness, there wasn’t even a name mentioned. Only a number, like a damn menu. You scramble for your phone, shaking with nervousness. It takes a moment for the number to connect, until you hear a lady’s voice call out the name of the business.

 “Ehm… Hello, I… want Tom, p-please." You stutter, sweat breaking out across your body. While your fingers play with the edges of the picture. Gaze stuck on the picture of Tom. It remains silent on the other end of the line.

 “He doesn’t work here.” That single comment makes your blood boil. The thought that some filthy businessman groping him was sickening.

 “I meant number 26.”

 “I don’t know either. Anyone else?”

 “JUST GIVE ME FUCKING TOM!” You scream from the top of your lungs. “How hard can it be!”

 "I'm afraid I can't help you, sir." And the line disconnects. You're fumingly mad. Realizing your failure.  Gritting your teeth, you barely able to control yourself. Your thoughts sink deeper, and deeper in desperation. You could pull each and every single hair out of your skull out of frustration. Kicking chairs over and destroying stuff didn't satisfy in any way. Only the pain halted you momentarily. This couldn't be the end. You wouldn't let it end this way. You can't.

 You can’t let him go.

  - - - - -

From around the corner, you watch the alleyway. It’s been days. You thought this through countless times. Overthinking is what they call it. Days on end. If Tom was there, you needed to take a shot. You have to do something. What else is there to live for anyway? That is one way to boost your morale you chuckle to yourself. You take one last sip from the bottle before putting in back in your car. Releasing a hiss as the strong liquor burns its way down your throat. In a weird way, it makes your head clearer. Calms the nerves. Brings peace to your mind. Boosts your confidence. If only for this moment. You double-check the surroundings. Everything's in place.

 With confidence in your step, you lock your car around the corner and make your way down the street. You straighten your collars before sheathing them in the pockets of your jacket.  It takes quite a few steps to get there. The man on the corner of the alleyway can’t help but notice you. Trying casually to walk towards you. And as you approach the man, you notice he’s definitely one size larger than you. It surely wasn't the man that warned you in your car. This one had a more pleasant and kinder look to him. "G-Hey you…" He nods at you. "You ghot businez here?” Speaking with the same Eastern European accent as the other.

 You halt in front of him. Taking a moment to answer him, trying to keep your nerves in check. While looking calm at the same time. “I’m here for this.” Revealing the flyer from your pocket. “Is the manager in?”

 “Da, but why zhould I let you through?”

 You sigh with discontent. Revealing a stack of money from your pocket. "Here." Handing him twenty or so bills. "Don't bother me anymore." And take the gamble by walking past him. You hear a whistle behind you. Just as you are about to turn into the dim-lit alleyway, another man halts you. An impressively large man. You weren’t small either. But he towered over you, by far.

 “Got any on ya?” Surprisingly, this man wasn’t Eastern European looking or sounding at all. Holding your hands up beside you, you shake no. But the man still searches you. Keeping an eye on you at all costs. Mumbling to himself a few things. "Follow me."

 Through the dark passage, you’re led towards a metal door. Only a dim light above it shows the entrance. The rest is barely visible. The man engages the locking mechanism and opens the door. Through a series of corridors and stairs, you get the impression of this operation. A series of rooms, followed by cells. Giving you an inside look of how dilapidated and horrifying the building actually is. Your worst nightmare just becomes a reality. It's beyond belief how Tom managed to survive in these conditions.

 You try to keep your gaze fixated on the man in front of you as you follow him. But you desperately hope to see Tom here somewhere. What if you don't get out of here… alive? You draw a deep breath and focus on what’s next. A sudden halt at a room, makes you jump a little. “In here.” Pointing inward to an older lady behind a desk. "Make your request." He grunts, crossing his arms as several other people in the room watching you enter.

 “How can I help you, sir?” The woman kindly asks you. You recognize her voice from the phone earlier this week.

 “Alright.” You say, unimpressed. “Cut the middleman.” Turning around to the large man. “Bring me to the manager.” His gaze far from friendly. From the corner of your eyes, you see the nearby, you guess guards, take a step closer. Some whispering to each other. As the large man takes a few steps towards you. Ending up so close to you, he’s literally looking down on you. The smell of smoke and sweat hinted at your nostrils. His warm, foul breath fanning onto your hair.

 “Why should we… little one?” He growled demeaningly. Not a smile in sight. “You walk into here with loads of cash, and demand to see the manager. What is so important you have that you need to see the manager?” Crackling his knuckles close to your face. His hands were large, fingers short but fatty. Stained by all kinds of things you rather wouldn’t know about. “For all I know, you were never here, to begin with…”

 “Excellent threat." You sniffle, revealing a stack from your pocket. As you do in the process, you hear guns being cocked. "Here." Stuffing the stack into his pocket. “Problem is, my burly friend…” You gaze up to him, forcing a grin on your face.  “I didn’t wander in here unprepared. You see, If I don’t return within… let’s say… the next two hours-…” Letting the moment sink in. Eyeing the people in the room. Everyone eager listening in on your little conversation. “-shits going down.”  

 “What did you call me?” His hand resting upon your shoulder, leaning down.

 “Do you call the shots for your boss?” You tilt your head slightly. Looking at him with a playful smile. “I don’t think he’ll appreciate the news I have regarding his ratline from Europe.”

 The man looks past you, nodding to the lady behind the desk. Returning his gaze to you.

 "Not willing to take the risk, hmmm?" You joke. Behind your back, you hear several whispers. The eyes of the man shot back and forth between the lady and you. Before pushing you down the hallway again. Again leading you through some corridors, down the staircase. Ending up in a luxurious room.

 Behind a desk sat a figure, so bulbous and fat, you’d never seen anything alike. Gold rings on his meaty fingers. The room decorated in some sort of Russian style. The left wall accommodating a series of monitors. Probably surveillance. But as you keep your eyes longer on the screens, you see the prostitutes. Man and women. You try to keep a straight face. “I heard interesting things about you, young man…” The blob of a man behind the desk mutters.

 “I always thought Russians started with a drink, before doing business.” Keeping a straight face.

 The flesh of its body bounces and flays around as it laughs loudly. Signaling the large man to pour the glasses. He couldn’t even do it himself anymore, his fat little arms limiting his movement. “Nasdrovia!” You both cheer and cling the glasses, chucking the content.

 “Let’s talk business.” The man says with a thick voice.

 "I have intel, concerning the safety of your cargo." You glance over to the guards. "Can we get the room to us.” Looking at the Russian for a confirmation.

 "Give him a minute." He waves at you with his fat fingers. "Continue." The large man that led you here hesitates. Keeping his eyes on you. "Go!" The Russian shouts again, waiting for the door to close.

 You take a deep breath. And focus on the conversation. The details are important. Focus.

“You need to relocate within the next… 24 hours.” Checking your watch. “They’re on to you.”

 “How do you know?” He burst out laughing. “Do you have any evidence? Because my business is at an all-time high. My man and woman are booked like never before. I even have a new shipment comin-”

 "Container #556121 on the SSE Georgia has been snitched." You say with a reassuring tone. "Go ahead. Tell me if I'm wrong." He has a distrusting look on his face, hesitant to believe you. But still goes ahead to unlock his drawer, revealing a sort of book and a laptop.

 Bluff. Neither the name of the ship or the number was anything close to what you were supposed to say. Through all the nerves, you just made something up. You just simply couldn't remember what the police told you. Your heart pounded in your chest. It's now or never. Everything depended on the next few minutes. On that little wire, you were carrying. The strength of your arms. Your will. And above all, the speed of the police. Your fingers tremble as you grab your watch. It's bound to happen at any moment.

 What happened next went so fast. It's all a blur. One distant gunshot set off a chain reaction. You jump over the desk as the door behind you swings open, blood splatters all across. The razor-thin wire detaches from your watch, and you swing it around the neck of the bulbous man. His fat little arms couldn’t reach around. Shielding behind his humongous chair and body, you restrain him. You watch the bullet impacts on the wall near you as the guard curses loudly. The fat man’s arms flap around.  “Tell me about Tom, you fat fuck!” You shout. “I need to know!” Tightening the wire. With your “Where is he!?” Bashing his head from behind. “WHERE IS HE?!”

 The man fights and struggles heavily, barely able to breathe—coughing and desperate for air. The giant oak chair the man sat in, shook and trembled on the floor by the man's panicking movements. Screeching back and forth. His spasming legs hit the desk to the floor. Sending loads of stuff flying. The man points his finger to the guard. “K-K-Kill T…Tom!” He gurgles to the guard. The words reach your ears moments later, processing what the man just said. You panic as the guards suddenly darts off, grabbing his phone.

 “Noooooo!” Storming off towards the door, fueled by rage. Blinded by anger. Falling over several items on the floor. You regain your footing and continue to run towards the door. Turning the corner without a second thought.

 A bright flash. A high pitched noise. A ringing in your ear. A wince of pain, tearing into you, forcing every thought out of your mind, paralyzing your body. Only by a deep groan. Your eyes are blurry, your vision doubles as you stagger on your feet. Trying to blink it away didn’t help. You feel the pain worsen. Deepen. Sharp pain lances at your abdomen. Another flash close by. Jerking your body around.  Excruciating pain. It all happens with such force. It sends you stumbling backward. Your hands reach for the doorpost, trying to remain afoot. Holding on for life. But strength ebbs away. Your limbs feel numb. Fingers shaking, losing its grip. Slumping down to the floor, onto your knees. Everything hurt. Sharp, deep, unstoppable pain. Each exhale of breath stings your insides. Chocking the breath from your lungs. Your vision blurs, slowly turning red—darkness pressing in.

 But it wasn’t your vision turning red. It’s the pool of crimson red blood forming under your hands. Warming your pale, cold hands, oozing from your wounds. Panic hits. You’re short of breath, experiencing extreme difficulty with breathing. The cold gripping you. Your words strangled by the welling of warm blood, filling your throat. “T-Tom…” You manage to bring out in faltering gasps. Draining the last bit of energy left in you. “T...o...m…” Before your arms give in. Your head slamming against the crimson tainted concrete.

 Then silence.

 Silence.

 …

 …

 ...

 Is death near?

 …

 …

 ...

 That ringing noise in your ear. Coming closer.  Your head felt heavy and painful. As you slowly regain consciousness. You blink a couple of times to readjust to the intense light blinding your eyes. After a moment, you notice the light that shines in your eyes are rays of sunlight. Your try uttering a few words. But your throat was as dry as the desert, and rough like sandpaper. Forcing out an awful cough. "Am... I in heaven?" Your voice sounding croaked and harsh. Followed by another coughing fit. Your lungs hurt. A sharp pain lancing in your chest. Contorting your insides. Everything hurts. Each movement you made, your bones and muscles ache in response.

 “Sir?” A calming voice of a woman called to you. “Sir, how are you feeling?”

 “Terrible.” You cough, struggling to breathe. “Where am I?”

 “The hospital.” A young woman in nursery clothing showed up in your field of view. “You’re in good hands.” Everything looked pale white. Painfully white to the eyes. “You’re going to be fine.”

You have difficulty in paying attention to her. Your vision doubles, sound dissipates. She was trying to say something, but you couldn’t follow it.

 “The man that saved you is here.” Shaking your arm. "Sir..." Trying to keep you from passing out. "Look.” Helping you up. Your eyes slowly adjusting to the light, taking in the room. Loads of flowers decorated the space. Accompanied by colorful cards on the wall. “He stayed by your side the moment you came in. We could-"

 Her words fall to deaf ears. You couldn't believe your eyes. Blinking repeatedly. You try to sharpen the image. The tears welling in your eyes, not helping a bit.

 “This is heaven.” You mumble. The woman stops and looks at you. Giggling at your comment. Sitting there beside you, resting his head against the side of your bed. Eyes shut, snoring softly with his coat wrapped around him. "T-To…m…"  You try to say, falling into a terrible cough.  

 He jumps a little in his seat by the touch of the nurse. Rubbing the sleepers from his eyes, taking a moment to gather his bearings. But that moment you make eye contact. “(Y/N)!” He cries out. You can’t believe your eyes.

 “It’s really you.” You cough while trying to sit up. Tears streaming freely down your cheeks. "T-Tom!"

 "I can't believe it!" He snickers. Diving onto you, his arms closing around you, sobbing against your neck. You remain like this for a while. Deep in his embrace. Tears, only tears. But tears of happiness. You couldn’t remember when you experienced those.

 “T-Tom…?” You’re afraid to ask but needed to know. “Is… is it over? Is it done? A-Are you free...?”

  “Yes…” He nods, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Yes, I am. You did it. It's over." Cupping your cheeks with both hands, kissing you like you never been before. Euphoria. Blessed. Relieved. You feel alive.

“I cried myself to sleep that night (Y/N). Thinking I would never see you again.”  

 You nod. "I felt so lost without you." Knowing precisely what he meant. "I was so scared, Tom. I… I… thought I… was d-dying." Your body shakes at the thought and recollection of that moment. "It all… happened-d… and… I… I… m-missed you… so m-m-much." The sobs turn into long wails of emotions running freely.

 "It's ok." His arms reach around you, hugging your fragile body close to him. Letting all the tears flow freely. Crying in each other’s arms. "We’re going to be fine.”

 You hold him close, not ever wanting him to go. Locking eyes with him again. The reality of him beside you was heartwarming. That wonderful smile. It filled you with joy and happiness. But the questions burned at the back of your mind. "The nurse said you were the one who saved me? How…?"

 "I found you..." Enveloping your hands in his, pressing kisses to your cold fingers. "-on the floor." His eyes turn red, the tears running down his cheek. Crying for a moment, before he continues.

"A-A-After I heard the first shots close by, everything went so fast. I... saw guards being shot, and I ran… I knew something was wrong. I heard more shots. And… that’s when I turned the corner… I found you..." He weeps. "One moment you were there…" His blood-red eyes look at you with terror. "-the other I realized you were… close to… d-dying in my arms."

 You can't help but kiss him, hold him close. Comfort him as he wailed softly.

"Poor thing." The tears rolling down your cheek. “It’s going to better from here on out. I promise, Tom. I promise you.”

 "I love you (Y/N)." He whispers. His watery eyes lock with yours. "I love you with all my heart."

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 26 - German virus transmission experiment.

K: This is Dir en grey's Kaoru, with this episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome.

T: Kaoru san?

K: Hm?

T: I thought we could invite a guest today.

K: Ahhh?

T: So, should we call him?

J: Who is it?

T: Who do you think it is? Someone with a connection to this show.

K: One of those two..

J: Yeh, one of them.

T: Here you are..*hands phone over*

Caller: Hello

J: Hello.Who is it?

Caller: Its Dobashi.

K: Is it Bishbash san?

J: Bishbash Dobashi san.

Caller/Dobashi: The people watching this on Youtube will be a bit afraid, thinking 'Who is this guy??'

J: No, the core fans will know you.

D: Will they? Am I ok?

J: We've heard from Tasai san that you've moved up in the world at Tokyo Sports?

D: No way, Im just in the middle management.

K: No, no, no, only someone important could say that.

J: He's superior, thats right. Its always that pattern, right?

D: I can't really come to see you anymore, Im sorry about that.

J: Where are you going out for entertainment?

K, D: Haha

J: You're pretending to be busy, according to Tasai san, you are making full use of company funds to have fun.

D: What are you talking about?? During the corona crisis I've been stuck at home all the time.

K: Even though the Olympics won't happen, you've been using the Olympics as an excuse to run around all over Japan.

J: Yeh yeh yeh yeh.

D: Well, because its been postponed, right?

J: You don't need to hurry if its been postponed though, do you? As the Olympics reporter?

K: He's pretty stuck now.

D: Since the Olympics have been postponed, I've kinda been distanced from that role though.

J: Oh really?

T: Oh, I see.

J: Eh? Whats your job now? What are you covering now?

D: What am I covering?

J: You don't know? haha.

K: Well, no, he's become more senior...

J: Oh, yeah.

K: So maybe he won't be sent out places and stuff.

D: If I'm forced to say it, I'm probably the spiritual reporter.

K: Ehh?

T: Oh, yeah.

D: From psychics to fortunes, haha.

T: The whole of Tokyo Sports' spiritual corner is done by one person.

K: Like..give us some stories! haha.

D: I'll bring the fortune teller and psychic who Tokyo Sports recommends to see you some time.

J: Really?

D: We'll get Kaoru's fortune read.

J: Oh, lets do it!

K: Sounds good, haha.

D:  And Joe san's.

J: Oh yes, yes please!

T: I bet Joe is probably possessed by lots of girl's spirits.

J: No, I wanna know my fortune, about whether or not I'll be able to get re-married by age 55.

T: Ahh.

D: Really?

Kami: Thats impossible.

J: Impossible? Kami!

K: He appeared all of a sudden.

D: Ohh, yeah. I see.

J: Couldn't you hear Kami's voice? No?

D: Ah, Kami?

Kami: Kami heeere!

K: Kami's voice..

T: He's here.

Kami: Its Kami heere!

T: He's saying, 'Kami's heere'

Kami: Kami heeere.

K: I don't think he can hear.

J: Yeah, he can't hear. One system can't hear the other.

D: I can't hear.

T: Kami was saying in a very affable voice, 'Kami heere!'

D: Hahaha. Well, hi.

K: Hahaha

Kami: Hello.

K: Its been a while since back then, right?

J: Yep.

T: *To Dobashi* Thank you very much.

D: Yes, thank you so much!

T, J: Sorry to disturb you. *End phone call*

J: Ahh, its been a while since we spoke to Bishbash Dobashi san.

K: He seemed a bit troubled, right?

J: He did. It might be because it was difficult to communicate. But if he brings that fortune teller sometime on this show, that will be fun.

T: Will that be ok?

J: Yeah, I really wanna see it! How about you, Kaoru? Do you?

K: Yes

J: Lets do it together.

T: It is incredible. That guy seems to get it right. Its kinda scary. Dobashi saw him once, and he said he purified him.

J:Eh??

K: Oh really?

J: Was Dobashi possessed by something?

T: Well, at that time, he was going through a lot of trouble in his life, but after that..

J: Everything got better? He improved?

T: Yes, eventually.

J: Oh, lets get this guy to do us.

T: Hiranabe was also seen by him.

J: Ehh?

T: After that Hiranabe got promoted to Director.

J: Director, right?

K: Let's have today's news please Joe.

J: Yes, I'll get it started. Well, for us who are looking forward to live shows, this is some big news towards possibly re-starting them. 'Looking for 4200 test volunteers' - An experiment in virus transmission in Germany.

A group of German scientists are currently planning the project 'Re-Start 19' to find out how Covid-19 spreads in stadium environments. They aim to gather quantitative data to find out how best to restart concerts, as the current outlook for the music word doesn't look favourable. As for the project, they plan to carry it out in Leipzig Stadium, and are looking for 4200 volunteers between the ages of 18 and 50. After getting all 4200 volunteers into the statdium, a singer will perform, and they will test things like how far saliva sprays out etc. All participants must test negative for the virus two days before the experiment, and once in the venue, they must wear masks and use hand alcohol. The alcohol will contain a fluorescent substance to make it possible to see the areas where people often touch, and a smoke machine will be used to specify the spread of the virus through the air.  So, this will take place on the 22nd of August, and the researchers will announce the results before October. While some reduced scale contcerts are beginning to restart, there are high hopes that this study will produce effective data.There arent any big experiments happening like this in Japan, are they?

K: Well, yeh, because you have to use actual people in the experiment

J: Yeh

K: They'd want them to catch the disease, right?

J: Well, they are trying to see where people touch, or how far saliva sprays and stuff, so they are trying to create a simulation, using these nearly 5000 people.

T: It does come with a risk.

J: If there is an infected person there, it is possible that an outbreak might occur, but if you just make armchair guesses like, 'Oh maybe its this, maybe its that', and put on live shows with incomplete counter-measures....But if you do it properly like this, and find out how exactly an outbreak spreads in this kind if group situation, you can use that data and take appropriate counter-measures. Not emotional counter-measures, but doing it properly and  thoroughly. You could say its a very German approach. What do you think, Kaoru?

K: Hmm, yeah. Well, they are looking for people to take part, right?

J: Yeah, I wonder how that will go. It says they are currently appealing for people.

T: Volunteers, right?

J: Yeah.

K: And they must test negative two days before the experiment, but that means on the day of the experiment, there could be people who've caught it within two days.

J: Yeah, there could be. It is certainly not a zero risk situation.

K: They are recruiting people with the warning that there is a risk of becoming infected, right?

J: Well, probably, yeah.

K: If 4200 people gather in one place?

J: Yeh. They are tested two days previously, but on the day, there must be...Well, they will probable test peoples' temperatures as they arrive. But there is the possibility it gets missed. I mean, to the German people, it might be less of a case of whether thats good or bad, and more of a conclusion that its more dangerous to go ahead without gathering the proper data first. If they tried to do this experiment in Japan, it would get quite a lot of criticism, I think.

K, T: Definitely.

J: I don't know quite why that is. Maybe in Germany they have a different relationship with music, or maybe if they say, 'Lets get going!', they have to make sure they do this kind of thing first. Well, I don't know whether they'll actually be able to gather 4200 people, but they'll probably get close. They'll be forgiven for the experiment.

K: Who is funding this? The state?

J: Well, its a group of scientists, I don't know as far as whether the state will fund it, but it seems like the main focus is on these scientists. So if there was no scientific rationale for this type if live performance to go ahead..

K: Nothing will happen, right?

J: Right. Rather than having some emotionally  charged reason, like 'Now is the right time!' or , 'This is the best way!' or something, if you could set a kinda of standard using the results if this experiment, you could have some kind of criteria. Its gives a sense of security to both the performers, and the audience.

T: Tim Bendzko san

J: Bendzko san..what type of artist it he?

T: Well he's a pop singer. The conditions of the participants are, like you said Joe, testing the effects of socially distanced seating, or not.*1

Y: Yeh, yeh.

Kami: Umm...

J: Yes?

Kami: Even if they release the results to show how covid spreads or doesn't spread, in the end, if people are scared of covid they won't gather at these kind of places, but people who think covid is no big deal will gather, right?

J: Well, at first, yeah. Some people on the viewing side may be worried or scared, and end up not going.

Kami: For people who are worried about getting infected, even if there is just a small risk, they probably won't go, will they? They might go if you tell them, 'We know the transmission routes, and we have proof that you definitely won't be infected', but if you say, 'We mostly understand it, and you probably won't be infected', some people probably won't go, they will be afraid if getting sick. So even if you put a lot of effort in, and announce the results, will it be enough?

K: Well, I reckon this kind of thing will steadily keep improving.

J: Rather than happening all at once...

K: Yeah, not like that, they'll just have to keep trying to weaken peoples' fears bit by bit. But rather than doing nothing, I think this experiment will help towards moving forward a little.

J: Well, whatever you deal with, its never all or nothing. Within this process, if some people or scenes can be saved, it'll be one more thing to be relieved about. I think this problem relating to covid and live shows won't be quickly solved, even if we get a vaccine. But doing this one thing, Im repeating what you said Kaoru, but it will be important as a pointer in the direction of relief.

K: Yeah, but not only for live shows, I also want them to do it for daily life, like in the train and stuff. If we don't, then we won't be able to do anything.

T: If its made more visible, people would feel calmer about it. Like, if you know where the danger is, you won't go there, right? Avoid the pit holes.

J: Yes, thats right. Seeing those facts... well, isn't this experiment predicated to cost 100 million yen, right? I don't know if that will be funded by the government, or whether the researchers themselves will gather the money, but the very fact that there are scientists working to restart live shows, must be a source of hope for German artists. Well, so for the time being in Germany, they are appealing for healthy volunteers age 18 to 50 to take part in this experiment on transmission at live shows.

K: It will happen quite soon, right? On the 22nd? Just a little bit after this is broadcast? A few weeks after?

J: Yeah. And then the results will be announced in October, so around that time, we could talk about the results here.

T: Its data that a lot of people in the Japanese music business will want to know.

J: I think so.

K: Ok, well, let's end here. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

*1 Couldn't clearly hear what Tasai said, but this is what the experiment conditions were.

[lover-of-skellies]

9, Nightberry? (uwu angst)

I've never written anything for this particular ship (since I'm assuming you're talking about Nightmare x Blueberry), so I hope it's at least halfway decent. This was supposed to be a horror prompt, I know, but I somehow made it really fckin sad instead, so rip anyone who reads it, I guess

A forewarning: this includes some major character death toward the end

-

"I'm here, Night! What did you wanna talk about?"

The guardian of negativity glanced up from his book, swiftly marking his page and closing it, tucking the item into his jacket. He sighed softly, trying his best to remain relaxed as he watched the smaller skeleton approach him, all too cheerful and at ease for comfort.

Oh god. He was really about to do this, wasn't he?

Nightmare slowly stood up, his single cyan iris focused entirely on the swap skeleton as he cleared his throat, trying to search for the right words, "My staff aren't... the brightest, when it comes to anything to do with feelings. And I'd much rather die than talk to Dream about any of this." Blueberry tilted his head, clasping his gloved hands behind his back and offering the other a wide smile, accompanied by his signature starry sockets, "And you chose to talk to me? Oh wowzers, that's... unexpected, honestly, but the Magnificent Sans would be happy to assist you in whatever ways you need!"

Nightmare stared at the shorter of the two in silence for a moment, those bright, large star shaped eye lights almost mesmerizing. He felt his soul thud against his ribs and he did his best to will away the faint blush that had threatened to find its way onto his cheekbones, "Yeah, well... You're the only reliable source I've got. Anyways. Because my strength lies only in the negative, I need you to clarify some things for me, concerning a neutral emotion."

Blueberry nodded, his sockets wide with curiosity, "Alright, that sounds easy enough. What's the emotion?" The goop covered guardian hesitated for a moment, embarrassment beginning to rear its ugly head again, "...Love."

Under his sharp and observant stare, Nightmare took notice of the soft sky blue blush that faintly dusted across the smaller male's face at the word 'love'. He didn't understand what reason Blue could possibly have for being flustered too, but he brushed off the thought, continuing, "I need you to tell me what it feels like." Blueberry nodded again, his brow bones knit tightly in concentration as he fumbled for an adequate explanation, "Well... I guess... it feels warm? Happy, even. And full, like your heart finally found whatever piece was missing. When you love someone, you'd do anything to make sure they were safe and happy, and you just want to be near them, all the time."

The guardian was frozen in place, his expression fixed into a pensive stare as he thought over his companion's words. When the realization finally dawned on him, his shoulders visibly became tense and his cyan iris constricted in fear.

He was in love.

And of all people, he was in love... with Blue.

No. This couldn't be happening. Not to him, not ever, not over his dead body. When love is pure enough, it becomes a positive emotion, which would undoubtedly cause him harm. Blueberry himself would also unintentionally cause him harm if he got too close, as well. Shit... this wasn't good.

He slowly lifted his gaze to look at the swap skeletons' face again, his soul skipping a beat at the soft blue and gentle, warm smile he wore. Feeling a blush spreading across his own cheekbones, Nightmare mentally cursed at himself. If only Blue wasn't so damn cute-

The shorter of the two looked up at Nightmare, almost appearing bashful as he asked, "Why'd you ask?... Love isn't something that normally would've caught your attention, is it?" Night took a deep breath; fuck. This... this little twerp was smarter than he looked, too. Damnit all-

He shifted awkwardly in place, lifting a hand to rub the back of his neck vertebrae, "I uh..." And now he couldn't even think of what to say. If he hadn't hated himself, he definitely would've now.

As if connecting the dots, Blue seemed to perk up, his sockets widening in surprise as he looked up at the guardian in shock. Eye lights once again shifting into large stars as another broad smile stretched across his face, and he took a few steps closer to the other, playfully nudging him, "Oh my gosh! You're in love, aren't you, Night?!" The skeleton in question tried to ignore the uncomfortable tingling sensation the other's excitement and happiness had begun to stir within him, and his cyan blush became visibly brighter as he scoffed, shifting his eye lights elsewhere. As long as he wasn't looking at Blue, he'd be fine. He could do this. He'd toppled entire worlds and drew strength from their suffering. What was one tiny little confession going to hurt?

He hesitated, fidgeting anxiously as he mumbled something under his breath. Not quite able to make out what he'd said, Blueberry raised a brow bone and tilted his head, "What was that?... I don't think I heard you." Nightmare mentally screamed at himself, wanting nothing more than to open a portal and go literally anywhere else than to stick around here. He drew in a deep breath, deciding to try again. His voice came out barely audible, but despite that, the words he'd uttered left the other in shock: "I... you. It's you... I'm... I love you, Blue."

Blueberry was silent, his sockets still wide as he stated at the guardian in disbelief. Nightmare reluctantly looked the swap skeletons' face, suddenly feeling anxious. At the sight of a single blue tinted tear rolling down his cheek, the guardian cringed; that tear wasn't one of fear or sadness... that was one of... happiness? What the...?

And then, with a brighter blush than he'd ever seen before in his entire life, Blueberry moved even closer to him than before, his gloved hands delicately finding the others face. Nightmare felt his body momentarily tense, but as he felt Blue's teeth press against his own, he began to relax again, melting into their first kiss with relative ease.

The positivity that Blue was giving off grew stronger, and the uncomfortable tingling Nightmare had felt before escalated, now a searing hot pain that ripped through his very being the way a hot knife sliced through butter; as much as he wanted nothing more than to continue kissing the one he truly loved, this degree of pain scared him. Tentacles emerging from his back and spasming as he fought with himself, he broke away from the kiss and nearly doubled over in pain. Blueberry frowned, his voice soft as he began to reach out to touch the guardian, "Night?... Are you ok? Did I do something wrong?"

Remaining doubled over, the guardian focused his hazy eye light on the others face, cyan tinted tears pricking at the edge of his visible socket as he shook his head, "N-No, it's not you... it's... the positivity. The positivity is hurting me, and it won't stop." Blue delicately brushed away the guardian's tears with his thumb, his expression fixed into one of concern, "What can I do to help you? There has to be something, right?" The tainted part of Nightmare's mind growled, recognizing Blue as the source of the pain, and his visible socket went wide in genuine fear, "Get away from me. Get away, Blue. It's not safe, you could get hurt if you stay here." The shorter skeleton solemnly shook his head, his voice soft as he offered the other a small smile in reassurance, "Don't worry about me, I'll be ok. I'm not gonna leave you though... you shouldn't have to go through this alone. Not anymore."

Nightmare let out a strangled cry of pain, absentmindedly swatting Blue's hands away and covering his face as he took a shaky breath, "Blue, that's very sweet, but I'm serious. You need to leave, NOW. My body's programmed to destroy whatever hurts me. You're making me feel things. Positive things. If you stay, you'll die!" Blue gently tugged Night's hands away from his face, gently holding them and delivering a soft squeeze. Meeting the guardian's gaze, he smiled lovingly, and Nightmare couldn't sense any fear or sadness in him... none whatsoever. Blue's voice was a soft murmur as he leaned closer to Night, "I don't care. I'm staying here because I love you, Nightmare."

Unable to suppress his cry of pain, Nightmare ripped his hands out of Blue's grasp, and they flew up to his skull, his clawed fingers beginning to scrape at the top of his head. His single eye light was constricted, now no bigger than a pin prick, and feeling his tendrils begin to spasm wildly again, he tightly squeezed his socket shut, sobbing, "I'm... I'm so sorry. I can't... I don't want to-"

The last thing he felt was a gloved hand delicately touching his face, and the last thing he heard was Blue's voice, no more than a whisper, "It's ok... I forgive you."

And then immediately following suit was the loud sound of bones snapping. Nightmare kept his socket squeezed tightly shut, not wanting to see Blue's expression. The silence was deafening, and as he felt dust drift through the stagnant air and cling to his face, he sobbed loudly. He was alone now... again. He dropped his hands back down to his sides, tipping his head back to look up at the sky. The only person who'd ever grown to love him despite what he'd become was gone, and it was his fault. Maybe someday though, he'd be able to see him again.

[kjack89]

When All This is Over

For @adorablecrab, my very belated fill from the @bishopmyrielfundraiser. Sorry it’s taken me so long!!

The request was for Modern AU, getting together fluff, and, well, I’ve done my best :)

E/R, Modern AU. COVID-19 stay at home order related because I am nothing if not the most predictable of trash.

“Alright everyone,” Enjolras said, raising his voice to be heard over the din that signified the natural end of a Les Amis meeting, even if it sounded more than a little different through the speakers of his computer via Zoom than in the backroom of the Musain. “Let’s call it a night. We’ve all got our assignments, and I’ll be in touch with any follow-ups as needed.”

“Enj,” Courfeyrac said, resting his chin on his hand, “you do realize that since we all talk and text, like, multiple times a day, and we’re now on week, what, 8 of social isolation, you probably don’t need to worry about doing ‘follow-ups’, right?”

Enjolras ignored him. “We’ll meet back here on Saturday. Combeferre will send the link again—”

“Because I’m the only one with a licensed Zoom account,” Combeferre grumbled. “One of the only fringe perks of doing a postdoc.”

“And believe me,” Grantaire interjected with a smirk, “we all appreciate your sacrifice for the Cause.”

“As opposed to everything you’ve contributed,” Combeferre shot back. “Which, let me check my notes here, but, uh, what exactly have you contributed recently?”

Grantaire’s smirk didn’t slip as he raised his beer bottle in a mock toast. “Morale,” he said simply.

Bossuet tried to cover his laugh with a fake cough that turned into a real cough, Joly pounding on his back worriedly, and Enjolras sighed. “On that note,” he said, loud enough to be heard over Bossuet’s coughing, “I will talk to you all later.”

He waited for everyone to hop off so he could end the meeting, but to his surprise, as the rest of the squares on his screen disappeared, one remained, even if it was without its former occupant. Grantaire’s video feed remained on his computer, and Enjolras frowned. “Grantaire?” he called, feeling foolish when Grantaire didn’t answer. “Are you still there? Did you need something?”

There was no answer and Enjolras sighed, his cursor lingering over the ‘End Meeting For All’ button. But something, likely against his better judgment, stopped him.

It was probably the same thing that had stopped him from kicking Grantaire out after the man had first wandered into a Les Amis meeting all those years ago, the one decision of his that Combeferre had ever openly questioned. But there was just something about Grantaire, something that infuriated and inspired Enjolras in somewhat equal measures. 

The fury part had happened a lot less recently, but Enjolras suspected that was a temporary side effect of not being in the same room with each other, and was likely to be as temporary as this stay at home order they were all under.

Shaking his head, Enjolras turned back to the work that he needed to do, leaving the Zoom call on in the background. About fifteen minutes later, Grantaire wandered back into frame, holding a full bottle of beer. “Oh, there you are,” Enjolras said, and Grantaire did an almost comical doubletake, his beer bubbling over the lip of the bottle.

“Jesus Christ,” Grantaire huffed as he quickly sipped at the foam to stop it from overflowing. “You almost gave me a heart attack!”

“Sorry,” Enjolras told him.

Grantaire’s eyes narrowed. “Funny, you sure don’t sound it,” he said, sitting back down in front of his laptop. “Besides, isn’t the meeting over? Or have I been held after class so you can scold me?”

Enjolras rolled his eyes. “Believe me, if I thought scolding you would do any good, I’d’ve tried it long ago.” Grantaire grinned and Enjolras allowed himself a small smile as well. “And yes, the meeting is over, but you were still in the call.”

“Ok,” Grantaire said slowly, “but you’re the host. You could’ve just ended it for everyone, myself included.”

“I know, but I didn’t want to just disappear on you.”

Grantaire blinked. “You know, that may be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Enjolras rolled his eyes again. “Shut up,” he said, but without much heat.

The video of Grantaire suddenly tilted, as if he had picked up his laptop, and a moment later, he came back into view, reclining on his couch, his computer resting on his stomach. “So what are you up to?” he asked, taking a sip of beer.

“Trying to figure out what protesting looks like in the age of social distancing,” Enjolras said with a sigh. “Our die-in at the state capitol was incredibly successful, but—”

“But laying out body bags doesn’t exactly have the same media impact as real humans lying there?” Grantaire supplied wryly. “Yeah, but what else can you do?”

Enjolras shrugged, glancing down at his notes. “I was thinking of trying to put together some kind of virtual rally, but even that’s not going to have the same impact.”

Grantaire nodded slowly. “Well, I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” he said bracingly, and Enjolras raised an eye at him.

“You know, that may be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” he said, and Grantaire laughed.

“Shut up,” he said. “Tell anyone I said it, and I’ll deny it.”

Enjolras grinned. “They wouldn’t believe me, anyway.” He hesitated. “So I’ll assume since you’re still on this call that you don’t have any better plans for this evening?”

Grantaire sighed. “I’m afraid that even my usually full social calendar has been negatively impacted by COVID-19,” he said with a dramatic sigh, clearly doing his best Courfeyrac impression, and Enjolras snorted. “But I can go if you need to get work done.”

Enjolras hesitated. “Honestly, it’s kind of nice having someone online with me,” he admitted. “Almost reminds me of all those nights at the Musain, y’know?”

“When you were working late and I was too drunk to stumble home?” Grantaire supplied.

“Well, something like that, anyway.”

Grantaire nodded slowly, something wistful creeping into his expression. Then, abruptly, he shook his head. “Never though I’d see the day where I missed that,” he said ruefully.

“Yeah,” Enjolras said. “I know what you mean.”

Grantaire sighed, his head tipping back to rest against the arm of his couch. “I just want things to go back to normal,” he said, his voice muffled from being further away from his computer’s microphone.

Enjolras made a face. “Do you even know what that means?” he asked, the sharpness in his voice making it teeter on the edge of a demand.

Grantaire sat upright again and rolled his eyes. “Yes, because I’ve clearly thought through every single socio-economic implication of stating my wish for ‘normalcy’,” he sniped. “Fine, if it’ll make you happy, I want my particular, individual life circumstances to return to how they were before.”

“It’s not about making me happy,” Enjolras pointed out. “It’s about making yourself happy. Or do you really want to go back to working two minimum wage jobs just to scrape by in between selling your paintings?”

Grantaire pretended to consider it. “It wasn’t so bad,” he hedged, and when Enjolras just gave him a look, he laughed and shook his head. “Ok, so the work was shit but the hours were manageable and besides, that way I got to spend my free time doing what I wanted. And besides, it’s a helluva lot better than being unemployed.”

Enjolras winced. “Fair point.”

Grantaire took another swig of beer. “What about you?” he asked. “Are you eager for your individual life circumstances to go back to normal?”

“Not sure anyone would call anything in my life normal,” Enjolras said, and Grantaire choked on his sip of beer.

“Truer words have never been spoken,” he managed after spluttering for a long moment. “But you know what I mean.”

Enjolras shrugged. “There are things I miss,” he said.

“And?” Grantaire prompted.

“And if you keep badgering me instead of letting me work, there’ll definitely be one less thing.”

Grantaire chuckled. “You win,” he said. “I’ll go back to muttering to myself while you ignore me, how about that?”

“Just like old times,” Enjolras murmured, and Grantaire laughed.

“Exactly.”

He did just that, breaking out his tablet to assumedly work on some art, muttering occassionally to himself, and Enjolras was surprised to find that the familiar background murmuring was strangely soothing, enough for him to settle into his own work.

It wasn’t until very late that Enjolras finally had to call it a night, and Grantaire stretched, looking over at the clock. “Jesus, when did it get to be 1 in the morning?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Right around the time I realized I’m supposed to be getting up at seven tomorrow,” Enjolras said through a yawn. “Or, well, later today, I guess.”

“Seven in the morning?” Grantaire repeated, horrified. “Why in the world do you have to be up at the asscrack of dawn? Don’t you realize we’re in the middle of a pandemic and time is meaningless?”

Enjolras rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Seven is hardly the asscrack of dawn,” he said. “Besides, I’ve got work to do.”

Grantaire shook his head. “No wonder you’re eager to go back to normal, since your life clearly hasn’t changed at all.”

“Goodnight, Grantaire,” Enjolras said pointedly.

“Yeah, yeah, goodnight, you freak. Getting up at seven to do work, I swear to God—”

Enjolras clicked the ‘End Meeting for All’ button, cutting Grantaire off before he could truly launch into a rant, and he hadn’t even closed his computer before his phone buzzed with a text. [From: Grantaire] Rude.

[From: Enjolras] Well, you said you were missing normal, and I figured this was as close as I could get to making Bossuet or Joly drag your drunk ass home.

[From: Grantaire] ...fair.

Enjolras laughed and stood to head to his bedroom, surprised when his phone buzzed again, and he glanced down at it. [From: Grantaire] Want to have another little bit of post-meeting normalcy on Saturday?

Despite himself, Enjolras couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face at the thought. [From: Enjolras] Sounds like a plan.

----------

Sure enough, they spent Saturday night (and well into Sunday morning) the same way, both of them keeping each other company while working on their various projects. And after that, it became routine. Every Les Amis meeting was followed by Grantaire staying on the line to hang out, almost always drinking, only occassionally actually working.

As much as Enjolras hated to admit it, it felt...nice. Like Grantaire had said, a little bit of normalcy, despite everything. In fact, it was one of the few things keeping Enjolras sane as the stay at home order extended another month, dashing his plans for a return to the advocacy work he had so meticulously planned.

Nice was probably too mild a word for the quiet comfort that Enjolras found with Grantaire. He enjoyed having someone to talk to again, someone to bounce ideas off of, just like they had so many nights at the Musain. 

But it was more than just comfort. Enjolras found himself actively looking forward to their time together, and while he’d never pretend to know what Grantaire was thinking, he got the feeling that Grantaire looked forward to it as well. 

It helped that, without the urgency of everything else normally going on, they were able to actually talk, and not just about Enjolras’s latest idea. As much as they had been friends for years, too often their conversations were layered by Grantaire’s cynicism and sarcasm, and Enjolras was glad to really get to see beyond it.

“Where’s the first place you’ll go when this is over?” Grantaire asked one evening, lying on his couch, this time on his stomach, his computer balanced on what Enjolras could only assume was the arm of the couch, given the angle.

“Hmm,” Enjolras said, considering the question before barking a laugh. “You’re gonna make fun of me.”

“I always do,” Grantaire said cheerfully. “And that’s never stopped you before, so spill.”

Enjolras laughed again. “Alright, the first place I’ll probably go is City Hall. I’ve got a bone to pick with the permits office.”

Grantaire snorted a laugh. “God, you’re such a nerd,” he marvelled. “It’s truly incredible.”

“Shut up,” Enjolras said, laughing. “Where are you gonna go?”

“A bar,” Grantaire said promptly, “to get drunk with people instead of by myself.”

Enjolras made a disparaging noise in the back of his throat. “Nope, try again.”

“Excuse me?” Grantaire said, amused. “Are you trying to tell me that my answer was wrong?”

“No, just insincere,” Enjolras told him. “I know you’ve thought about it, or you wouldn’t have brought it up. So c’mon, where you really want to go?”

Grantaire’s smile softened, just slightly. “Honestly? I want to go to the zoo.” Enjolras blinked and Grantaire shrugged. “Don’t ask me why, since it’s not like I went all that frequently before, and it’s probably because of all the stupid videos they’ve been posting online during all of this, but. Yeah. I want to go to the zoo.” He gave Enjolras a withering look. “And now is not the time to launch into your tirade against keeping wild animals at zoos.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything!” Enjolras protested, but he was laughing, and Grantaire glared at him before laughing as well, the conversation turning from there.

If they had nothing else to show for it, Enjolras figured at the very least they’d come out of this whole thing as far better friends than they had started.

And then, finally, finally, there appeared to be good news on the horizon, with contact tracing and a decrease in new cases, and much of the Les Amis meeting that night was spent on the governor’s press conference, and her announcement that the state would move towards reopening in the next few weeks.

“You must be thrilled,” Grantaire said when everyone else had logged off.

“Of course I am,” Enjolras said, ebullient. “Aren’t you? You’re the one who’s wanted things to get back to normal.”

Grantaire made a face. “Yeah, but what does normal even mean anymore?” he mused. “Most folks will still be working from home, and even though we’ll be able to do some smaller protests and such, it’ll still be awhile before we can do any big rallies.”

Enjolras’s smile faded. “I mean, you’re not wrong, but is now really the time to bring it up?” he asked.

Grantaire forced a smile. “Of course, sorry,” he said. “We should celebrate! Wish I’d gotten a bottle of champagne with my last instacart order—”

“You’re using instacart?” Enjolras practically yelped. “After everything we’ve talked about with their exploitative business model?”

Grantaire’s smile widened into something more genuine, and infinitely more smug. “It’s called a joke, Enjolras. Glad to see your sense of humor is returning to normal as well.”

Enjolras made a face before hesitating. “I guess that probably means the end of these late night meetings as well,” he said, and Grantaire looked up, startled.

“What?” he said blankly. “Why?”

Enjolras blinked. “Well, I assume you’ll be going back to work, as will most of our comrades, so we won’t be able to have as frequent meetings, and besides, your social calendar will probably fill up again.”

He said it jokingly, but Grantaire didn’t smile. “My social calendar never stopped me from hanging out at the Musain before.”

“No, I know,” Enjolras started, but Grantaire cut him off.

“If you don’t want me to bother you, just say the word and I’m gone.”

Enjolras stared at him. “What are you—” he started before cutting himself off. “That’s not what I meant,” he said instead, trying not to sound as exasperated as he felt.

Juding by the look on Grantaire’s face, he hadn’t succeeded. “No, I know exactly what you mean,” Grantaire said, taking a larger than normal swig from his bottle of beer. “Once this Stay at Home Order is lifted, everything will go back to how it was.”

“Grantaire—”

“It’s fine,” Grantaire said, forcing a smile that didn’t even remotely meet his eyes. “After all, I’m the one who wanted things to go back to normal, remember?”

“That’s not—” Enjolras started, but Grantaire again cut him off.

“Goodnight, Enjolras.”

He left the Zoom call, and Enjolras stared at his laptop, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

And far more importantly, how he was going to fix it.

----------

Enjolras knocked on Grantaire’s apartment door, breathing in the fresh air for what felt like the first time in longer than he cared to admit.

Even though he had left his apartment during lockdown, it didn’t feel quite the same as it did now, and he smiled slightly as he glanced over his shoulder at the other people milling around in Grantaire’s apartment complex, all of them looking as happy as he was to be outside.

The door opened and Enjolras turned to look at Grantaire, who was staring at him as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “Hi,” Enjolras said, wincing when he realized how stupid that sounded. 

“What are you doing here?” Grantaire asked, still staring at him.

Enjolras hesitated. “I don’t want things to return to normal,” he blurted, everything he had carefully prepared going out the window, and Grantaire’s brow furrowed.

“Yes, you’ve made that perfectly clear, but what—”

“I don’t just mean, like, socioeconomically or anything,” Enjolras hurried to add. “I mean, um, between you and me. I don’t want that to go back to normal.”

Grantaire’s expression was unreadable. “Then what do you want?”

There were a thousand things that Enjolras had prepped for that exact moment, but he didn’t bother with any of them. Instead, he told Grantaire simply, “This,” before leaning in and kissing him.

Then, just as quickly, he pulled back, eyes wide. “Oh, wait, I’m sorry, affirmative consent, I should—”

Grantaire cut him off by kissing him, something heated and desperate in the press of his lips against Enjolras’s, as if he was afraid they’d lose the moment.

Enjolras wished he had never done or said anything that would make Grantaire feel that way.

When they broke apart this time, Grantaire was smiling, just slightly, almost nervously. “So, uh...dare I ask what this is about?”

“I like you,” Enjolras said, feeling his face flush as he said it. “And apparently, it took me a global pandemic to realize it.”

“Technically, you don’t have to say global and pandemic,” Grantaire said. “It’s implied.”

Enjolras sighed. “Grantaire—”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist,” Grantaire said with a laugh, and Enjolras shook his head before reaching out and drawing Grantaire close, resting his chin on top of Grantaire’s head as he held him.

“I missed you,” Grantaire whispered, so quietly that Enjolras almost didn’t hear him.

“I know,” Enjolras said, kissing Grantaire’s forehead. “And I’m sorry that I was an idiot, and didn’t figure things out earlier.”

Grantaire arched an eyebrow. “Speaking of,” he said, lacing his fingers with Enjolras’s, “did you come to this realization on your own?”

The corners of Enjolras’s mouth twitched. “Would you believe me if I said yes?”

“No.”

Enjolras snorted and shook his head. “Fine, I had some help. And some sense knocked into me.” He made a face. “Apparently every single one of our friends figured it out before I did.”

“Color me shocked,” Grantaire muttered.

Enjolras ignored that, instead taking a deep breath so that he could say what he actually came to say. “Grantaire,” he said carefully, “one of the few bright parts of this fucking pandemic was spending time online with you. And I’d really like to continue spending time with you. And, well, I’m sorry that I didn’t figure that out until it was almost too late.”

“Well, you know what they say,” Grantaire said, a slow smile stretching across his face. “Better late than never.”

Enjolras laughed, but the sound was mostly lost against Grantaire’s lips as they kissed again, slower this time, Grantaire’s hand resting lightly against Enjolras’s cheek, the other gripping the front of Enjolras’s shirt as if he could somehow pull him closer.

Then, abruptly, he pulled away. “Hang on a second, I thought the first place you were going to go after this ended was City Hall.”

“What can I say, I lied,” Enjolras murmured, ducking his head to kiss Grantaire again, but this time, Grantaire didn’t let him.

“Really?” he asked skeptically.

Enjolras hesitated. “Well, no,” he admitted. “City Hall opened at 8 and I figured you wouldn’t be awake yet, so I went there first and then came here.”

Grantaire laughed loudly. “God, Enj,” he said, pulling Enjolras close and wrapping his arms around him again. “I’d say never change, but clearly we’ve proven that even a pandemic couldn’t change you.”

“Are you sure about that?” Enjolras asked, and Grantaire considered it for only a moment before kissing him again. 

“Ok, fine, maybe it changed you just the right amount.”

“So I’ll take it you don’t want things to go back to normal?” Enjolras asked teasingly.

Grantaire rolled his eyes. “Fuck normal,” he said decisively, and Enjolras grinned.

“Technically, that’s what I’ve been saying all along,” he pointed out, and Grantaire cut him off by kissing him once more.

“Shut up,” Grantaire advised, and Enjolras grinned.

After all, who needed normal when they finally had each other?